According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
I Overheard My MIL Lying to Her Friends about Me Doing No Chores at Home & Decided to Outplay Her
I Overheard My MIL Lying to Her Friends about Me Doing No Chores at Home & Decided to Outplay Her
When Allison invited her mother-in-law’s friends over for an early brunch, little did they know they were about to uncover the truth behind months of false tales and witness a family dynamic transform right before their eyes.
Six weeks ago, my life changed forever—I became a mom to a beautiful baby boy. It’s been the most incredible yet toughest journey. My husband, Sammy, had to leave for a work project right after our son was born.
Allison and her son | Source: Midjourney
So, we planned for his mom to move in with us to help during the first few months. She promised to handle everything so I could recover from the delivery and focus on our newborn.
Life at home is not how I imagined, though. From the moment she arrived, my mother-in-law (MIL) seemed more interested in resting than helping. She quickly claimed her spot on the sofa, diving into her favorite TV series.
Mother-in-law watches TV | Source: Midjourney
She also often mentions how her back pain keeps her from doing too much. I appreciate that she might be in discomfort, but it leaves me to manage everything—meals, cleaning, and, most of all, taking care of our son.
Each day feels like a marathon. I’m up with the baby several times at night, and by the time the sun rises, I’m already exhausted but need to start my day. Breakfast needs to be made, then the endless cycle of laundry, cleaning up, and of course, ensuring our little one is fed, changed, and happy.
Exhausted Allison | Source: Midjourney
Babies sure know how to double your laundry load! By mid-morning, I’ve usually forgotten about rest, my hair is a mess, and I’ve probably reheated my morning coffee three times already.
During these mornings and afternoons, my MIL continues her marathon too—of TV episodes. Occasionally, she’ll mention how much she wishes she could help more but is just too sore to move. Yet, as evening approaches, something remarkable happens. Her pain seems to miraculously fade, especially when her friends come over.
Mother-in-law having her tea party | Source: Midjourney
They don’t come every night, but when they do, it’s like a switch flips. Suddenly, she’s lively, chatting, and laughing, playing the perfect hostess in our kitchen, which she rarely uses for anything other than making coffee during the day.
Her transformation during these gatherings is stark. It’s confusing and, honestly, a bit hurtful. I find myself wondering how she can so easily entertain guests but not assist with simple tasks that would give me a moment to breathe or, dare I say, take a nap.
The tea party | Source: Midjourney
This contrast in her behavior has left me feeling both frustrated and skeptical of her claims of pain. I’m left to juggle the joys and trials of new motherhood essentially on my own.
This isn’t what I expected when we agreed that she would come to help. It’s a daily struggle, but I keep reminding myself that this phase won’t last forever. Still, a little genuine help would make a world of difference.
Tired Allison listens in | Source: Midjourney
Last night, something happened that turned my usual frustration into outright anger. I was finishing up some late-night cleaning when I heard laughter and chatter from the kitchen.
My MIL was there, hosting her friends as she often does when she transforms in the evenings. Curious, I paused to listen, not intending to eavesdrop, but what I heard left me stunned and hurt.
My MIL was speaking loudly, and clearly, telling her friends that she’s been the one taking care of everything at home. She claimed she was cooking, cleaning, and mostly caring for my baby. Then, she added something that really got to me.
Mother-in-law complains about Allison | Source: Midjourney
She said, “I don’t know what Sammy saw in her; she’s just lazing around all day, a real couch potato.” Her words were like a slap in the face. There I was, barely keeping my eyes open from exhaustion, and she was painting a picture of me as lazy and uninvolved.
The sense of betrayal was overwhelming. I felt anger boiling inside me. How could she lie so blatantly? How could she discredit all my efforts? It wasn’t just the physical exhaustion of caring for a newborn and a household that hurt. It was the emotional pain of being so unfairly judged in my own home.
Angry Allison | Source: Midjourney
I knew I couldn’t just confront her; that would only lead to more tension. So, I came up with a plan. A way to show her friends the truth without causing a scene. I decided I would invite them over myself, but earlier than they usually come. This way, they could see the real situation. They would see who was really on the couch and who was handling the chores and the baby.
So, today, I sent out a few messages, arranging for her friends to come over for what I called a special brunch. I planned it during a time when I usually have my hands full with baby duties and household chores.
Coincidentally, this was the time when my MIL usually settles in for her morning of TV. It was a simple plan, but I hoped it would reveal the truth. Maybe, just maybe, I could make her realize how her words and actions affect others around her.
Allison calls her mother-in-law’s friends | Source: Midjourney
This morning was a turning point in my home. I had planned a special brunch, inviting my mother-in-law’s friends to arrive much earlier than their usual evening visits. I was nervous but hopeful that today would bring some much-needed change.
As her friends arrived, they found my MIL asleep on the sofa with the TV blaring some morning show. There I was, in the next room, soothing my little boy who wasn’t feeling well. His little cries filled the air, quite the contrast to the usual laughter that echoes from the kitchen during her evening get-togethers.
Little crying boy | Source: Midjourney
The surprise on her friends’ faces was evident as they walked in. They weren’t used to seeing this scene. My MIL woke up, clearly disoriented and embarrassed, scrambling to turn off the TV and smooth out her hair. She tried to laugh it off, mumbling about not expecting anyone so early.
I took this opportunity to ask for her help with some simple tasks. First, I asked her to change the baby’s diaper. I told her the new diapers were in their usual place.
Mother-in-law tries to find the diapers | Source: Midjourney
She hesitated, fumbled through the drawers, and couldn’t find them. I had to step in to show her where they were, something so routine for me, yet unfamiliar to her.
Then, as I started preparing food for everyone, I asked her to fetch the big salad bowl from the cabinet. Again, she looked lost in her own kitchen, opening the wrong cabinets before I guided her to the right one. Her friends watched, slowly piecing together the reality of the situation.
Mother-in-law struggles to find a bowl | Source: Midjourney
The atmosphere shifted noticeably. There were no more chuckles or light banter. Instead, an uncomfortable silence filled the room as her friends saw the truth behind the daily life in our home. My MIL’s face reddened with embarrassment as she realized how her stories had unraveled.
The morning progressed, and her friends began to help with the brunch, seeing firsthand how much I managed on my own. As they left, their parting looks were filled with a mix of sympathy and a new understanding.
MIL’s friends look at Allison | Source: Midjourney
After everyone had gone, there was a quiet moment between my MIL and me. It was awkward at first, but then she began to apologize. She admitted that she had been unfair and promised to start helping more genuinely. I could see she was sincere, maybe embarrassed by her own actions being brought to light.
From that day forward, things began to change. My MIL started taking on more responsibilities around the house and with her grandson. She wasn’t perfect overnight, but the effort was real. We started to find a new rhythm together, cooperating and sharing the duties that come with maintaining a home and caring for a child.
Allison and her mother-in-law cradle her son | Source: Midjourney
This experience taught us both valuable lessons in honesty and respect. It wasn’t just about exposing the lies; it was about rebuilding trust and understanding the real meaning of family support. Now, I can genuinely say our home feels more balanced and peaceful. It’s amazing how much can change when the truth comes to light.
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
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