According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
I Rented a Room from a Sweet Old Lady — but One Look at the Fridge the Next Morning Made Me Pack My Bags
When Rachel found a cozy room rented by a sweet old lady, it seemed like a perfect escape from her struggles. But beneath the floral wallpaper and warm smiles, something far darker was lurking… something that made her pack her bags the very next morning.
When you’re desperate, you cling to anything that feels like hope. That’s where I was — my little brother’s medical bills towering over me, full-time classes pushing me to my limits, and late-night waitressing draining what little energy I had left.
When I got into a university in a new city, I should’ve been ecstatic, but the reality of finding affordable housing made it hard to celebrate. So when I stumbled across a listing for a cozy room in a sweet old lady’s house, it felt like a lifeline.
A hopeful woman holding a cellphone | Source: Midjourney
The rent was ridiculously low, and the photos showed a charming little place with floral wallpaper and vintage furniture. The ad said: “Perfect for a quiet, respectful female tenant. No pets, no smoking.”
It was ideal.
When I arrived there, my landlord Mrs. Wilkins greeted me at the door with a warm smile and a smell of fresh lavender lingering in the air. Her hair was neatly pinned back, and she looked like someone who should’ve been knitting by a fireplace, not renting rooms to struggling students.
“Oh, you must be Rachel,” she said, ushering me inside. “You’re even lovelier than I imagined. Come in, dear, come in!”
An older lady smiling | Source: Midjourney
Her eyes seemed to linger a bit too long, scanning me from head to toe. “Tell me about your family, dear,” she said, her voice honey-sweet. “Any siblings?”
“My little brother Tommy,” I replied. “He’s staying with our widowed aunt while I’m here. She helps take care of him while I’m studying.”
Mrs. Wilkins’s smile tightened almost imperceptibly. “How… convenient,” she murmured. “And your parents?”
“They passed away last year in an accident.”
“Oh, how sad. Come in… come in,” she said as I followed her inside.
An anxious woman at the doorway | Source: Midjourney
The house was straight out of a storybook. Knick-knacks lined the shelves, and a geometric-patterned couch sat invitingly in the living room adorned with floral wallpaper. The faint aroma of vegetable soup drifted from the kitchen.
“I made us some dinner,” she said, leading me to the table. “It’s been ages since I had company.”
“That’s very kind of you,” I started, but she interrupted.
“Kind?” She chuckled, a sound that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Kindness is… complicated, Rachel. Some might say I’m too kind.”
I smiled, trying to ignore the sudden chill. “Thank you, Mrs. Wilkins. This place is amazing.”
“Amazing,” she repeated, almost to herself. “Yes, that’s one way to put it.”
An older woman with a haunting smile | Source: Midjourney
Over bowls of hearty soup, I shared bits of my life. She nodded sympathetically, her hand occasionally patting mine with a grip that was just a fraction too tight.
“You’ve been through so much,” she said softly. “But you’ll be just fine here, dear. I can feel it.”
There was something in her tone… a promise that felt more like a warning.
“I hope so,” I replied, my earlier comfort now tinged with an unexplained unease.
For the first time in months, I felt something between safety and something else. Something I couldn’t quite name. That night, I slept deeply, yet somewhere in the back of my mind, a small voice whispered: not everything is as it seems.
A woman lying in the bed | Source: Midjourney
The next morning, I woke up early, feeling optimistic.
The sun streamed through the lace curtains as I grabbed my toiletries and headed toward the kitchen, craving coffee before a hot shower.
That’s when I saw it. A huge list, almost four feet long, was taped to the fridge, written in bold, bright red letters: ‘HOUSE RULES – READ CAREFULLY.’
I froze.
A horrified woman | Source: Midjourney
I squinted, leaning closer as I began reading the rules one by one:
1. No keys will be provided. Mrs. Wilkins will let you in between 9 a.m & 8 p.m only.
2. The bathroom is locked at all times. You must ask Mrs. Wilkins for the key & return it immediately after use.
3. Your bedroom door must remain open at all times. Privacy breeds secrets.
4. No meat in the fridge. Mrs. Wilkins is a vegetarian & does not tolerate carnivores.
5. You must leave the house every Sunday from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. Mrs. Wilkins has her “ladies’ tea.”
6. No visitors. Ever. Not even family.
7. Mrs. Wilkins reserves the right to enter your room whenever she pleases.
8. Cell phone usage is restricted to 30 minutes daily, monitored by Mrs. Wilkins.
9. No music allowed. Mrs. Wilkins loves a peaceful & quiet environment.
10. You are not allowed to cook your own food without Mrs. Wilkins’s consent.
11. You are allowed to use the shower only three times a week.
12. ******* RESERVED FOR LATER*******
A huge list of rules taped to a refrigerator | Source: Midjourney
“Reserved for later?” My stomach twisted with every rule I read. By the time I reached the end, my hands were trembling. What had I gotten myself into?
“Good morning, dear,” Mrs. Wilkins’ voice sang from behind, startling me.
I jumped, spinning around. She stood there with a serene smile, her hands clasped in front of her sweater. “Did you read the rules?” she asked, her tone suddenly sharp. “Every. Single. Word?”
An older woman smiling gravely | Source: Midjourney
“I… yes,” I stuttered.
Her smile didn’t reach her eyes. “And?”
“They seem… thorough,” I managed.
Mrs. Wilkins stepped closer. “Thorough is an understatement. These rules keep order. Keep safety. And discipline.”
“Safety?” I repeated.
“From chaos, dear,” she said. “Chaos is everywhere. But not in my house. NEVER in my house.”
A startled young woman | Source: Midjourney
“Did you have bad experiences before?” I asked, trying to sound casual.
Her laugh was a brittle thing. “Bad experiences? Oh, you have no idea.”
“Did you say my brother Tommy can’t visit?” I pressed, remembering my promise to check on housing options for him.
“No visitors,” she repeated, each word precise. “Especially not children. They are… unpredictable.”
“But—”
“No exceptions,” Mrs. Wilkins interrupted, her smile freezing.
An older woman smiling wickedly in the kitchen | Source: Midjourney
I nodded, my mouth suddenly dry.
“I hope the rules aren’t too much for you, dear,” she said, her voice returning to that earlier sweetness. “They’re very important to me.”
“Of course,” I stammered, trying to keep my voice steady. “I understand.”
But I didn’t understand. I didn’t understand how someone so kind could expect anyone to live under those rules. No key? No privacy? A bathroom lock?
Her eyes never left me as I mumbled something about needing to get ready for the day and retreated to my room, feeling like I was being watched.
A startled woman holding her head | Source: Midjourney
Behind me, Mrs. Wilkins hummed a tune that sounded almost like a children’s nursery rhyme.
I heard her footsteps pause outside my door. Then, surprisingly, they receded. The front door opened and closed. Through my window, I saw her walking to what looked like a small greenhouse in the backyard.
This was my chance.
I leaned against the door, my breath coming in shallow bursts. I had to get out. I couldn’t live like this… not when I was already stretched so thin.
As quietly as I could, I began stuffing my clothes into my suitcase. Every creak of the floorboards made my heart race. I kept glancing at the door, half expecting Mrs. Wilkins to appear with that unsettling smile.
A suitcase stashed with clothes on a bed | Source: Midjourney
“You’re making quite a bit of noise,” a voice suddenly crackled through an old intercom I hadn’t noticed before. “Would you like to explain what you’re doing?”
I froze. My hand hovered over a sweater, my heart pounding.
Mrs. Wilkins’s voice continued, razor-sharp. “Did you forget rule number seven? Everything requires my approval.”
Beads of sweat formed on my temples as I finished stuffing my clothes into my suitcase. I zipped up my bag, grabbed my things, and tiptoed toward the front door. But as I reached for the knob, a voice stopped me cold.
“Leaving already, dear?”
A shocked woman turning around | Source: Midjourney
I turned slowly. Mrs. Wilkins was standing at the end of the hallway, her expression calm but her eyes sharp.
“I, uh… I forgot I had something urgent to take care of,” I stammered.
“Oh, I see. Well, if you must leave, you must leave. But remember something: Everything is always worth discussing.”
Her tone was polite, but there was something chilling about it. The way she emphasized “must” felt like a challenge… a dare.
I nodded quickly, opened the door, and stepped out into the crisp morning air.
An older woman with a malicious glint in her eyes | Source: Midjourney
I didn’t stop walking until I reached a park a few blocks away. My suitcase sat beside me on the bench as I tried to catch my breath. What now? I had nowhere to go, no backup plan. The thought of giving up and going home crossed my mind, but I couldn’t. My brother needed me to make this work.
“Hey, you okay?” a voice cut through my thoughts.
I looked up to see a guy about my age. He was holding a cup of coffee and a paper bag, his dark hair falling into kind brown eyes.
“Not really,” I admitted.
A worried young man | Source: Midjourney
He studied me for a moment, something calculating behind those eyes. “You look like you’ve just escaped something. Not just a bad morning, but… something else.”
I tensed. “What makes you say that?”
He chuckled. “I’ve got a sixth sense for people running from something. Call it a talent. I’m Ethan, by the way.”
“Rachel,” I said.
A sad woman sitting on a wooden bench | Source: Midjourney
He sat down beside me and offered me the bag. “Croissant? Looks like you could use it.”
“Are you always this forward with strangers?” I hesitated before taking the croissant. “Thanks.”
“Only the ones who look like they’ve got a story. What’s yours?”
As I ate, I told him everything. About Mrs. Wilkins, her bizarre rules, and how I had no idea what to do next. He listened, nodding occasionally, his eyes never leaving my face.
“Sounds rough,” he said when I finished. “But something tells me there’s more to this story.”
“What do you mean?”
A shocked woman sitting on a bench | Source: Midjourney
He leaned in closer. “People like that old lady? They don’t just have rules. They have reasons. Dark reasons.”
We talked for hours. Ethan said that he worked part-time at a café near the campus. By the time the sun set, I had a lead on a room in a shared apartment — affordable, close to the campus, and most importantly, with normal rules.
“I’ll help you move if you want,” he offered, his tone almost too eager.
“Really?”
“Of course,” he said, flashing a grin that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Can’t leave you hanging.”
A man sitting on a wooden bench and smiling | Source: Midjourney
Over the next few weeks, I settled into my new place, found a better-paying job at Ethan’s café, and started to feel like I could handle life again. Ethan and I grew close, and before long, he became more than just a friend.
But sometimes, late at night, I’d catch him looking at me strangely. Almost… appraisingly.
“Do you ever wonder about Mrs. Wilkins?” he’d ask randomly.
“Not really,” I’d reply. But that was a lie.
Sometimes, I think about Mrs. Wilkins and her strange little house. I wonder if she ever found another tenant. A chill would run down my spine when I remembered her last words: “Everything is always worth discussing.”
But one thing’s for sure: leaving that morning was the best decision I ever made.
A woman with a warm smile etched on her face | Source: Midjourney
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