According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
People laugh and criticize mom after she reveals how she makes 7-year-old clean and teaches him how to cook
How we choose to raise our children and the lessons we decide to ingrain in them from an early age differs from parent to parent.
It’s only natural, of course. Some mothers and fathers take a more disciplined approach, for example, while others prefer to let their kids go through a try and fail cycle so that they can learn right and wrong through their own experiences.
Now, for the most part, how one chooses to style their son or daughter’s upbringing is their business, no one else’s. Yet that doesn’t stop people commenting and criticizing online every time a debate is sparked over some parental decision or another…
I remember when I was younger, doing chores was considered part and parcel of everyday life. I mean for me and my siblings, of course, not only my mother.
Doing dishes, making beds, helping to prepare food before mealtimes… the list goes on and on.
I understand times change, but in my mind getting children to help out with tasks around the house – providing there’s no danger involved – is a great way to instill values and a worth ethic that will come in handy later on.
It seems, though, that not everyone agrees. According to reports, one mother found this out the hard way a few years back after she uploaded pictures of her son and shared her method of giving him chores to do with the internet.
The mom in question, 22-year-old Nikkole Paulun, reportedly explained how she proudly put her 7-year-old son, Lyle, to work around the house, where he would help out with things like cooking and cleaning.
Nothing too dramatic, I’m sure we can all agree, but that didn’t stop online detractors from verbally attacking her and expressing concern over the potential impact on the child’s emotional well-being.
The bulk of the critics targeted the fact that the mother had shared her son’s chores online, not only potentially making other parents question themselves, but also flagging the idea that the child might not want to have his daily activities shared with a large number of strangers online.
One woman went as far as to write in the comments that Nikkole couldn’t just let her child “be your slave. Or to do the chores that you yourself don’t want to do.”
Another wrote: “So I take it you can do everything ur teaching ur son to do or are you just putting pressure on ur child?”
A third added: “Don’t get me wrong… a child should know responsibility. .. but should not be operating a stove that young.“
A fourth wrote: “Lazy mother’s are sweeping the country. It’s good to teach them while they’re young but i notice alot of these single mom’s are just raising their boy’s to be the man that they wish they always had.“
There were many who defended Nikkole in the comments, too, with her post gaining viral status after it garnered over 8,000 comments and 156,000 interactions on Facebook.
Nikkole herself insisted that she enjoys doing housework and that her son Lyle “just helps along the way & earns allowance as well.
What’s more, she added that her then-one-year-old daughter, Ellie, would be following in her elder siblings steps and doing the same thing when she was a little older.
What do you think to Nikkole’s parenting approach and the criticism she got for it? Let us know your thoughts in the comments box.
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