As if being cheated on wasn’t enough, my ex-boyfriend texted me out of the blue, making monetary demands! After I got over the shock, I devised a cunning plan that would be replicated down the line. I made him regret ever making the request!
A woman reacting in shock while looking at her phone | Source: Pexels
So, here’s the deal. My ex, Dan Brown, and I had been together for five years. Things were great until they weren’t. When we broke up because of his cheating, I thought that was the end of it. Boy, was I wrong!
What made me think we were all done was that we had no contact for a while. I believed he’d moved on with the woman he cheated on me with, but that wasn’t the case. A month after our breakup, Dan suddenly reappeared last week, daring to text me with a ludicrous demand!
A serious-looking man texting | Source: Pexels
When you hear what it was, you’ll also agree that his request was the pettiest, leading it to be almost comical! His message was him asking me to pay him back for every penny he ever spent on me. Seriously!?
Dan was asking for money for all the gifts he’d bought me for special days like my birthdays, Christmas, and New Year’s! That man had LITERALLY calculated every penny he’d spent, leading to a large sum!
A confused-looking woman looking at her phone | Source: Pexels
“You need to pay me back EACH and EVERY penny!” he demanded. He didn’t even bother greeting me before making demands! The nerve of this guy! At first, I was stunned! Who does that? But then, the more I thought about it, the more it made me laugh!
Instead of texting him and telling him how pathetic he was for making such a request, I chose to hold my tongue. I didn’t even brag to Dan about how the amount he wanted wasn’t more than what I had spent on HIM for those same days. After all, we had been together for long enough.
A woman giving a man a wrapped gift | Source: Pixabay
Initially, I asked him, “But throughout our relationship, you said I didn’t have to pay you back?” I was shocked when he replied, “It doesn’t matter. I need that money now, so hurry up.” I thought about ignoring him, but then a brilliantly mischievous plan started to form in my head.
I came up with a better plan to exact my revenge and decided to play along but with a twist! “Sure thing, Dan,” I texted back, “I’ll pay you back.” His response came within seconds, filled with self-righteous triumph:
“Good. I knew you’d come to your senses.”
A man texting | Source: Pexels
Little did he know, I had something else in mind. I set up a direct debit to send him ONE penny a day. One single, solitary penny. I remember the exact moment I hit the final confirmation button on my bank’s app.
My best friend, Emily, was sitting across from me at our favorite café. She was watching my every move with a mixture of curiosity and amusement. “What are you doing?” she asked, leaning over the table. “I’m paying Dan back,” I said with a grin.
Two friends having beverages at a café | Source: Pixabay
Emily’s eyebrows shot up. “How?”
“One penny a day.” Her eyes widened, and then she burst out laughing. “No way! That’s genius!” We both laughed until tears streamed down our faces! Our laughter attracted a few curious glances from other patrons. But I didn’t care.
The most exciting part about this whole thing was that I had added the reference “cheating [expletive].” It showed up with each payment made daily. This was the best plan I’d ever come up with!
Two friends laughing at a café | Source: Pexels
A week later, Dan texted me again. “What the hell, Stacy? Why am I getting pennies from you?” I couldn’t help but laugh as I read his message. “I told you I’d pay you back,” I replied. “It’ll take a while, but you’ll get your money.”
He called me immediately, his voice boiling with anger. “This isn’t funny, Stacy! I want my money NOW!”
“Well, Dan,” I said calmly, “you’re getting it. One penny at a time.”
“Stop this nonsense right now!”
“Or what? You’ll take me to court? Go ahead.”
A woman smiling while talking on the phone | Source: Pexels
I figured from now on, he’d think about me daily for the next SEVEN years since he decided to mess with me! He hung up, and I felt a surge of satisfaction. Dan had always been controlling, always needing to have the upper hand. This was the first time I felt like I had the power, and it felt AMAZING!
Months went by, and the daily penny transfers continued. Emily and I would joke about it often, wondering how long it would take before my ex finally snapped. Every time I saw that single penny deducted from my account, it felt like a small victory!
A woman smiling while looking at her phone | Source: Pexels
One day, I got another message from Dan. But this time, it wasn’t filled with anger. “Please, Stacy. Just stop this. I get it. You win.” I thought about it for a while. He had been a jerk, but did I really want to keep this up forever?
I decided it was time to end the penny payments, but not without one final touch. I withdrew the remaining amount I owed him in pennies and nickels and placed them in a small box. It was a hefty little package. I decorated it with a nice bow and included a handwritten note:
“Here’s the rest of what I owe you. Have a nice life, Dan.”
Lots of coins on a table | Source: Pixabay
I mailed it to his apartment. The thought of him opening the box, finding hundreds of pennies and nickels, and realizing he’d lost his battle filled me with immense satisfaction. A few days later, I got a message from Dan. It read, “You’re insane.”
I showed it to Emily, and we laughed until our stomachs hurt! “You know, I think he’s finally realized he messed with the wrong person,” she said, still chuckling.
Two friends laughing | Source: Pexels
In the end, this little revenge plan wasn’t just about getting back at Dan. It was about reclaiming my sense of control and humor after a relationship that had taken so much out of me. And it worked. I felt lighter, freer, and ready to move on!
Months passed, and my ex faded into a distant memory. Life was good. Emily and I graduated, and we both landed jobs in the city. One evening, while we were out celebrating a promotion, Emily raised her glass and said:
“To the best revenge plot ever executed.”
Two friends celebrating with a toast | Source: Pexels
I raised mine too, happy to be honored. “To the best friend who helped me through it,” I replied, clinking my glass against hers. And just like that, Dan and his ridiculous demands were behind me. I learned that sometimes, the best way to handle pettiness is with a little bit of creativity and a whole lot of humor!
Years after my little revenge plot, I found myself telling the story to a new friend, Jenny. She had been going through a rough breakup. But she was sharp and had a knack for turning the tables in ANY situation.
Two friends talking while working | Source: Pexels
After hearing my story, Jenny smiled and said, “You know, that gives me an idea.” I raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”
“Yeah. My ex, Jake, just demanded I pay HIM back for a trip we took together. I think I can take a page out of your book.”
A few weeks later, I got a call from her. “Remember how I said I had an idea?”
“Yeah?”
“Well, I told Jake I’d pay him back, too. But I set up a monthly payment of ten cents! I even made it a direct debit from my account!”
Someone using their banking details for a transaction | Source: Pexels
I laughed, remembering my own scheme. “How’s he taking it?”
“He’s FURIOUS! Keeps texting me to stop, but I remind him I’m paying him back, just like he asked.”
“Sounds like you’ve got this under control,” I replied, laughing at her ex’s misery.
“Thanks to you,” Jenny said. “I don’t feel powerless anymore.”
Two women hugging | Source: Pexels
We chatted for a while longer, sharing stories and laughing about our past relationships. Jenny’s plan wasn’t just about revenge; it was about regaining power like I had. As we ended the call, I felt a sense of pride.
Not only had I managed to turn a ridiculous demand into a source of empowerment for myself, but I’d also inspired someone else to do the same. And that felt EVEN better than the revenge itself!
A happy woman smiling | Source: Pexels
10 Best Christmas Jokes to Kick off the Holiday Spirit
Get ready to ho-ho-howl with laughter! These 10 Christmas jokes are packed with holiday cheer and cheeky humor to keep your spirits bright. Whether you need a quick laugh or a joke to share at the holiday table, these festive funnies will surely bring everyone joy!
Ah, Christmas! The time of year when everything sparkles, people get a little more generous, and we all pretend fruitcake is something we look forward to eating.
A woman sitting at a table with a plate of fruitcake | Source: Pexels
The holiday season is full of cheer, and it’s also a great time for laughter. Whether you’re cozy by the fireplace or stuck at a family gathering looking for a way to break the ice, these jokes are sure to bring a smile.
So grab your hot cocoa, settle in, and get ready to chuckle with these festive funnies!
A Christmas Test at Heaven’s Gates
Three men find themselves at the pearly gates of heaven on Christmas Eve. Saint Peter meets them with a stern look and a challenge.
St. Peter standing at heaven’s gates | Source: Midjourney
“To get into heaven tonight, you each need to show me something that represents Christmas.”
The first man digs into his pockets, pulls out a match, and lights it. “This is a Christmas candle,” he says with a hopeful smile.
“Impressive,” Saint Peter says and waves him through.
A man holding a lit match | Source: Pexels
The second man reaches into his jacket and jangles a set of keys. “These are Christmas bells,” he grins.
Saint Peter nods, letting him pass.
Then, the third man steps up, pulling out a pair of red panties.
Puzzled, Saint Peter asks, “And what on earth do these have to do with Christmas?”
Women’s underwear | Source: Unsplash
The man smirks, “They’re Carol’s.”
If that joke didn’t light your Christmas candle, this next one might leave you laughing all the way to New Year’s Day. It’s a story of holiday hangovers, memory lapses, and a husband waking up to a Christmas surprise he definitely wasn’t expecting.
The Hungover Husband’s Christmas Surprise
Paul wakes up groggy and disoriented after his company’s Christmas party. He can barely remember how he got home, and his pounding headache isn’t helping.
A man sitting on the side of the bed | Source: Pexels
As he pries his eyes open, he notices a glass of water, two aspirin, and a single red rose on his nightstand. His clothes are neatly folded, and the room is spotless. In the bathroom, he notices he has a black eye, and his wife has left him a note on the mirror.
“Darling, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to pick up groceries for your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!”
In the kitchen, a full breakfast is waiting, and his son is already at the table.
A boy eating breakfast | Source: Midjourney
Paul asks his son, “What happened last night?”
“Well, you got home super late, totally drunk, and made a mess. You tripped over the coffee table, broke it, and smashed into the door, giving yourself that black eye.”
Confused, Paul stammers, “Then why is everything so perfect this morning?”
A confused man | Source: Midjourney
His son shrugs, “Oh, that’s easy. When Mum tried to take off your pants, you yelled, ‘Leave me alone! I’m married!’”
Let’s keep it going with a military twist on Christmas wishes. Sometimes, what you ask for isn’t exactly what you get, especially when you’re stationed away from home. This one’s for anyone who knows the struggles of life in uniform during the holidays.
The Soldier’s Christmas Wish
Two soldiers are in the mess hall chatting about past Christmas memories.
Two soldiers chatting | Source: Midjourney
“I’ll never forget that one Christmas,” the first soldier says. “I spent an entire week peeling potatoes.”
“What happened?” his friend asks.
“Well, the sergeant asked what I wanted for Christmas,” he recalls.
“And what did you ask for?”
A soldier | Source: Pexels
“A new sergeant,” the first soldier replies.
Ready for a joke that’s heaven-sent? This next story features a monk who spent years copying ancient texts, only to uncover a little mistake that could change everything. It’s a reminder that even the holiest of tasks can come with a hilarious twist!
The Monastic Misprint
A monk named David had spent years copying ancient religious texts by hand. He worked hard at his job and dedicated himself to upholding his vows to be obedient and celibate and free himself from the desire for possessions.
A devout monk working on religious texts | Source: Midjourney
One day, shortly before Christmas, the head abbot entrusted David with the task of verifying the original manuscripts had been copied and translated precisely, word-for-word.
On Christmas day, David was nowhere to be found. Eventually, the head abbot located him in the archives, crying uncontrollably.
“Brother David, what’s wrong?” the abbot asked.
“All this time… we’ve been copying it wrong,” David sobbed.
“Copying what wrong?” the abbot pressed.
A monk and an abbot looking at religious texts | Source: Midjourney
“The word wasn’t ‘celibate’… it was ‘celebrate’!”
If you thought that last one was divine, the next joke shows us that sometimes family drama isn’t what it appears to be.
The Holiday Season Break-up
The day before Christmas, a father in Brisbane calls his son in Sydney.
“Sorry to ruin your holiday,” the dad says, “but your mother and I are divorcing. I just can’t take it anymore.”
A man making a phone call | Source: Midjourney
Shocked, the son yells, “What? No, don’t do anything until I get there! I’m calling my sister.”
Moments later, the daughter phones her dad, furious. “You are NOT getting divorced! My brother and I will be there tomorrow. Don’t do a single thing!”
The father hangs up and turns to his wife.
A solemn man glancing to one side | Source: Midjourney
He grins widely and tells her, “Well, that’s our Christmas plans sorted. The kids are on their way and they’re paying for their own travel expenses!”
Let’s keep the laughs rolling with a little tale about early Christmas shopping. You know that feeling when you’re just a bit too eager to grab your gifts? Well, this next joke proves that timing is everything — even when it comes to snagging those holiday deals earlier than expected.
The Early Christmas Shopper
A man stands trial during the Christmas season. The judge asks the defendant, “Mr. Jones, what exactly are you accused of doing?”
A judge in a courtroom | Source: Midjourney
“Your honor, I was just doing my Christmas shopping early,” the man says innocently.
“There’s nothing illegal about that,” the judge replies. “What time did you start?”
“Before the store opened.”
A somber man | Source: Midjourney
Time for a trip to the airport, where holiday cheer meets travel stress in the best way possible. Even if you’re not a fan of mistletoe, this next joke might make you look twice before checking in your bags this Christmas season.
Airport Mistletoe Mishap
Dave wasn’t feeling the holiday spirit as he waited at the airport just before Christmas. He noticed some mistletoe hanging above the luggage scale.
Mistletoe at the airport | Source: Midjourney
Annoyed, he told the airline attendant, “Even if we were dating, I wouldn’t kiss you under such tacky mistletoe.”
The attendant smirked, “Sir, that mistletoe isn’t for you to kiss me. It’s there so you can kiss your luggage goodbye.”
Hold onto your Santa hats because this next joke features a kid with a very “creative” approach to getting his Christmas wishes granted.
Man talking to airline attendant at the luggage area | Source: Midjourney
When it comes to writing letters to Santa (or Jesus), this boy takes negotiation tactics to a whole new level.
The Kid’s Christmas Bargain
A little boy starts writing his Christmas letter to Santa, but his mom interrupts him.
“You’ve been so naughty this year,” she scolds. “You’d better write that letter to Jesus instead.”
A child sitting at a table | Source: Midjourney
He thinks for a moment, then begins writing to Jesus, but quickly realizes he can’t lie about being good. Frustrated, he goes for a walk to clear his mind and spots a nativity scene.
Suddenly, he snatches the statue of Mary.
Returning home, he starts his new letter: “Dear Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again…”
From a mischievous kid to a quick-witted teen, our next joke shows that sometimes biblical excuses can go hilariously wrong.
A Christmas nativity scene | Source: Pexels
It’s a classic case of trying to outsmart a parent — only to learn an unexpected lesson.
Long Hair, Don’t Care
After acing his exams and diligently studying the Bible, Danny asks his clergyman father if he can get a car for Christmas.
“You’ve done great with your studies,” his father says. “But I’m disappointed you haven’t cut your hair.”
A teen boy | Source: Midjourney
Danny smiles. “Dad, in the Bible, I noticed that Jesus, Moses, and Samson all had long hair.”
His father nods, “Yes, but did you also notice they walked everywhere?”
And now, let’s end on a high note with a husband who’s in for a surprise of his own while Christmas shopping.
A mall decorated for Christmas | Source: Pexels
Just when he thinks he’s found a sentimental moment, he gets a reality check guaranteed to leave you laughing out loud.
The Husband’s Christmas Misunderstanding
A couple is shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve when the husband realizes he’s lost his wife. Frantic, he calls her.
“Honey,” she says calmly, “do you remember the jewelry store where you saw that expensive watch you loved five years ago? The one I said I’d get you one day?”
A man speaking on his cell phone | Source: Midjourney
His eyes well up. “Yes, I remember.”
“Well,” she replies, “I’m in the lingerie store next to it.”
And there you have it — a sleigh of laughs to brighten your holiday season! Whether you share these jokes at a family dinner or use them to lighten the mood at a holiday party, they’re sure to spread some Christmas cheer.
People at a Christmas party | Source: Midjourney
After all, the best gifts are the ones that bring a smile. So go ahead, share the laughter, and enjoy a merry, jolly, joke-filled Christmas!
For many people, Christmas is a time for family, so keep the laughs coming with these jokes about family life.
Leave a Reply