A lot of big, tragic and important things have happened to this wonderful country of ours since April 2014. None of which I have covered. I was too busy writing about hungover parenting, ancient philosophy and my dog Colin.
Out of the 536 columns I have written, 27 were about that guy. Far too few. He is such a good boy, he deserves an article a week.
Today is the end of an era for me, and whenever these final events pop up in our lives, we can’t help but think about the ultimate end.
Everything we do, we will one day do for the last time. That’s why you have to enjoy things while they are around. It’s not just big events like leaving a job, house or loved one either. Whatever moment you happen to be in now, you will never get it back, and you don’t know how many more you have.
Everything we do in life, from eating pizza to spending time with the people we love, to driving, writing, drinking or breathing, we will one day experience for the final time. It might happen tomorrow. This can be either a depressing or an inspiring thought, depending on how you look at it.
A few years back in this column, I interviewed professor of philosophy William B Irvine, of Wright State University, Ohio, on this very topic. He put it this way on a Zoom call: “Recognition of the impermanence of everything in life can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent. The only way we can be truly alive is if we make it our business periodically to entertain thoughts of the end.”
Today’s column is very meaningful to me because it is my last. Like the last night with a lover before she goes overseas. And just like a lover, there have been some half-arsed efforts put in from me over the years. Last week, for example, I spent 750 words moaning about how bad my cricket team is. But the truth is that any of my columns could have been the final. If I had reminded myself every week for the past 10 years that the end is inevitable, I may have been more grateful for having a column and appreciated writing them all as much as I am this one.
While everything we do could have more meaning with a focus on finitude, some things are inherently more worthwhile than others. There is no doubt my column “The pros and cons of wearing Speedos” from November 2022 was less meaningful than most things in this world. That was a waste of everyone’s time. So, if we only have so much time, how do we pick the best things to do?
Well, Oliver Burkeman, the author of Four Thousand Weeks – Time Management For Mortals, suggested this to me in a 2022 column: “Ask yourself, does this choice enlarge me? You usually know on some unspoken level if it does. That’s a good way to distinguish between options.”
With that in mind, I don’t feel great about my 2018 article on “New Zealand’s best hole”. That didn’t enlarge anyone.
There will be people reading this column right now who have loved my writing in the Herald and are sad to see it end. Others will have hated it and are glad to see me go. Many won’t have any opinion at all. But for those in the first camp, I have good news. I have a book coming out on May 28 called A Life Less Punishing – 13 Ways To Love The Life You Got (Allen and Unwin Book Publishers). It’s a deep dive into the history, philosophy and science of not wasting our time lost in anger, loneliness, humiliation, stress, fear, boredom and all the other ways we find to not enjoy perfectly good lives. It’s available for pre-order right now (google it if you’re interested).
A Life Less Punishing took me two years to write and is equivalent in words to 100 of these columns. Which would be a complete nightmare for those in the hate camp, but as I say, great news for those who want more.
Anyway, thanks to the Herald for having me, thanks to the lovely people who make an effort to say nice things to me about my column nearly every day and thanks to the universe for every single second we get.
Bless!
Man Finds a Baby Boy Wrapped in Blankets in a Basket and Adopts Him – 17 Years Later, a Stranger Returns for the Boy
The dilapidated fishing boat rocked gently against the wharf as Lucas tied the final knot.
The modest cottage on the village outskirts awaited him, as it had every evening since Maria passed. There was no laughing from children, no warm hug, just the silent companionship of his thoughts and images of the lady he adored but couldn’t replace.
He looked at Maria’s portrait on the mantel. “Should’ve listened when you wanted children,” he said quietly. “Always said we had time. Now look at me, talking to your picture like you might answer back.”
Suddenly, a faint but clear sound interrupted his thoughts. It sounded like a whimper or cry carried by the wintry wind.
His heart nearly stopped when he saw it: a woven basket on his porch, with blankets stirring inside.
“Dear God,” he muttered, taking the bundle in his arms. A baby boy, no more than a few months old, looked up at him with wide, interested eyes.
“Where did you come from, little one?” Lucas searched the vacant street, but whoever had left this valuable cargo had long gone, leaving only a note in the basket:
“Don’t look for me. Please take care of him. And love him like your own. Thanks & Goodbye.”
A tear streamed down Lucas’ cheek as he remembered Maria’s comments from years ago: “A child’s love is the purest thing in this world.”
“Matias,” he whispered gently, the name returning to him like a whisper from the past. It was Maria’s father’s name, a good, robust name for a son. “What do you think about that, little one? Would you like to be Matias?”
That night, Lucas constructed a makeshift crib out of an old wooden crate, filling it with nice blankets. He placed it next to his bed, unable to stomach the notion of leaving the infant alone in another room.
“I promise you,” he whispered, reaching down to touch the baby’s velvet cheek, “I’ll be the father you deserve.”
The infant slept soundly, one little hand still curled around Lucas’s finger, as if it knew he was home.
Seventeen years passed like leaves in the wind.
Matias looked up unexpectedly one morning while they were working in the garden. “Dad? Remember when you told me about finding me?”
Lucas’s hands remain still on the tomato plants. “Of course.”
“Were you… were you ever sorry? That someone left me here?”
Lucas drew his son closer, soil-covered hands and everything. “Matias, you weren’t left here. You were given to me. The greatest gift I’ve ever received.”
Suddenly, the screech of tires outside interrupted their peaceful conversation. Lucas looked out the window and saw a sleek red Mercedes approaching. A tall man wearing an expensive suit came from the car.
The knock seemed to reverberate throughout the house.
The man’s voice was educated and cautious. “I’m Elijah. We need to talk about the boy. I’m here to take him.”
“Who on earth are you? I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he muttered, his fingers pressing against the doorframe until his knuckles turned white.
“I think you do.” Elijah’s eyes fixed on a point over Lucas’s shoulder. “Hello, Matias.”
“You’re my nephew and I’ve been looking for you for 17 years.” Elijah’s voice softened. “May I come in? This isn’t a conversation for doorways.”
Elijah spoke of his sister — Matias’s mother — of her struggles, her disappearance, and her deathbed confession just weeks ago.
“She was young and scared,” Elijah explained, his perfectly manicured hands clasped in his lap. “Our father wouldn’t have understood. She ran away with you after her boyfriend, your dad, dumped her, hoping you could have a better life than she could provide at that time.”
“So she left me on a doorstep?” Matias’s voice cracked. “Like I was NOTHING?”
Elijah added, looking to Lucas, “he’s all we have left of her. And there’s so much waiting for him. The best schools, connections, opportunities. A life beyond…” he motioned to their humble surroundings.
“He’s right though, isn’t he?” Lucas’s voice broke. “You deserve more than fish nets and vegetable gardens. More than an old man’s company.”
“I want to go,” Matias said softly after a long silence.
Lucas turned, stung.
“Son—”
The goodbye was too fast after 17 years of love. Lucas helped pack a bag, his hands shaking as he folded Matias’ favorite blue sweater, which he had saved three months’ worth of fishing money for.
Lucas stood in the doorway, watching as the red Mercedes vanished, taking his heart with it. Matias’ face was tilted backward, watching him through the rear window, his hand pressed on the glass.
Days blended together. The silence was no longer peaceful, but oppressive. Lucas began talking to the chickens more, just to hear a voice — any voice — in the yard.
Then, one evening, a knock came on the door. He opened the door to find Matias standing there, with sagging shoulders and red eyes.
“They’re nice, Dad. They’re my blood. But you’re…” Matias’s voice broke. “You’re my FATHER! The only one I’ve ever needed. The only one I’ll ever need. I can’t be without you.”
“This time, I’m not leaving you… no matter what.”
He seized Lucas’ hand and clutched it fiercely, as if to compensate for the weeks they’d been away. They realized they were all each other needed.
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