Ever find yourself needing a quick pick-me-up during a long day? Laughter is the perfect antidote to stress and boredom. This collection of 11 jokes is sure to deliver a healthy dose of humor.
Get ready to chuckle your way through these hilarious jokes about everything from bar buddies to blundering farmers. Whether you’re a fan of witty wordplay or quirky animal antics, there’s something here to tickle everyone’s funny bone.
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform waddling into a bar | Source: Midjourney
1. Drink Down
A guy walks into a bar and orders two shots. He drinks both and leaves. He does the same thing every day for a while.
One day, the bartender asks, “Why do you always order two shots?”
The guy says, “My brother and I used to drink together all the time, but now he lives far away. So, one shot is for me, and one is for him.”
Two brothers laughing while sitting at a bar | Source: Midjourney
This goes on for a while, and then one day the guy only orders one shot.
The bartender worries and asks, “What happened? Is your brother okay?”
The guy replies, “Yeah, he’s fine. I just quit drinking.”
Man looking sad while sitting at a bar | Source: Midjourney
2. Penguin Parade
A police officer stopped a semi-truck driver and asked for his license and registration. The officer heard odd sounds from the trailer and decided to inspect it. He found 50 penguins inside.
“Why are there 50 penguins in your truck?” the officer asked.
“They’re my buddies,” the driver replied. “We enjoy traveling together.”
“You can’t just own 50 penguins,” the officer said. “You need to take them to the zoo.”
Police officer frowning next to a semi-truck holding a notepad | Source: Midjourney
The driver agreed and drove away. The next day, the same officer stopped the same truck and heard the same strange noises. He checked the trailer and found the same 50 penguins.
“I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!” the officer exclaimed.
“I did!” the driver responded. “They had a great time. Today, we’re going to the beach.”
Penguins walking through a regular sunny beach | Source: Midjourney
3. The Plasterer
A duck waddled into a pub and asked for a beer and a ham sandwich.
The bartender stared and said, “Hold on a sec! You’re a duck!”
“That’s pretty obvious,” the duck replied.
“And you talk!” shouted the bartender.
“And you hear well!” the duck said. “Now, about that beer and sandwich?”
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform sitting at a bar eating a sandwich | Source: Midjourney
“Oh, right, sorry,” the bartender said, pouring the duck’s beer. “We don’t get many ducks around here. What brings you in?”
“I’m working at that construction site over there,” the duck explained. “I’m a plasterer.”
The bartender was surprised, but let the duck be when he pulled out a newspaper to read.
The duck read the paper, ate his food, and left. He did this every day for two weeks.
A duck sitting at a bar reading a newspaper | Source: Midjourney
Then, the circus came to town. The circus manager came into the pub, and the bartender said, “Hey, you’re with the circus, right? I know a duck who’d be a star in your show! He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the paper… he’s amazing!”
“Is that right?” the circus manager said, handing the bartender his card. “Tell him to give me a call.”
The next day, when the duck came in, the bartender said, “Hey Mr. Duck, I think I found you a fantastic job that pays really well.”
“I’m always interested in new opportunities,” the duck said. “Where is it?”
“At the circus,” the bartender answered.
A circus in a field | Source: Midjourney
“The circus?” the duck asked.
“Yep,” said the bartender.
“The circus?” the duck asked again. “The one with the big tent?”
“Exactly!” said the bartender.
“With the animals in cages and people living in trailers?” asked the duck.
“That’s the one,” said the bartender.
“And the tent is made of that heavy fabric with a hole at the top?” the duck asked.
“That’s right!” said the bartender.
The duck shook his head and said, “Why would they need a plasterer?”
A duck in a construction worker’s uniform working as a plasterer | Source: Midjourney
4. Slowpoke Centipede
A man saw a sign at a pet store that said, “Talking Centipede $100.” He thought it was cool and bought it. When he got home, he opened the box and asked the centipede if it wanted to grab a beer. The centipede didn’t say anything, so the man thought he got ripped off.
After a while, he tried again. He shouted, “Want to go get a beer?” The centipede popped out of the box and said, “Be quiet! I heard you the first time! I’m putting my shoes on!”
A fairytale version of a centipede talking and putting on shoes inside a box | Source: Midjourney
5. Hell’s Handyman
An engineer died and went to Hell.
The devil was shocked because engineers don’t usually go there. Hell was a mess: the AC was busted, the pool was empty, and everything was broken.
The engineer got to work fixing things. He fixed the AC, filled the pool, and even made the roads better.
God saw that everyone in Hell was having fun, which wasn’t right. He asked the devil what was going on.
A cartoon version of God in Hell looking confused because people are having fun at the pool | Source: Midjourney
The devil said, “That engineer you sent here has been fixing everything. He’s made Hell a nice place!”
God said, “What? Engineers don’t belong in Hell! That was a mistake. Send him back so I can put him in Heaven!”
The devil said, “No way, we like him here.”
God said, “Send him back, or I’ll sue you!”
The devil laughed and said, “Where are you going to find a lawyer?”
A cartoon version of the devil in Hell shrugging with people having fun at the pool | Source: Midjourney
6. The Big-Time Lawyer
Joe left his small town to go to college and law school. He became a lawyer and went back to his hometown because he wanted to be a big deal there.
He opened his own office, but no one came at first. One day, he saw a man walking toward his office. Joe wanted to impress this man, so he pretended to be on the phone.
A man sitting on a desk in a tiny office talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
When the man walked in, Joe started talking loudly on the phone, saying things like, “No way! Tell those guys in New York I want $1 million! I’m going to court next week! My team is the best! We’re going to win for sure! Yeah, the judge already knows I’m right! No, I don’t care what they offer, we’re not backing down!”
He talked like this for a long time while the man waited. Finally, Joe hung up the phone and said to the man, “Sorry I took so long, I’m really busy. What can I do for you?”
The man answered, “I’m here to install your phone line.”
Man in uniform standing by the doorway of an office | Source: Midjourney
7. Chick Magnet
A man from the city moved to the countryside and wanted to try farming. He went to the farm store and said, “I’ll take 100 baby chicks.”
The store worker gave him the chicks.
A week later, the man came back and said, “I need 200 baby chicks this time.” The worker gave him the chicks.
Another week passed, and the man returned. He said, “Give me 500 baby chicks.”
“Wow,” the worker said, “you must be doing great!”
A man dressed as a farmer smiling with small chicks nearby | Source: Midjourney
“Nope,” the man sighed. “I’m either putting them in the ground too deep or too far apart.”
8. Bachelors
Two single guys were chatting, and they started talking about cooking.
“I got a cookbook last year,” the first guy said, “but I couldn’t make anything from it.”
“Was it too hard?” the second guy asked.
“Totally! Every recipe started the same way: ‘Get a clean plate and…'”
A man holding a cookbook in a kitchen with a sink full of dirty plates | Source: Midjourney
9. Copy That?
A new worker was puzzled by the office shredder.
“Want some help?” offered a nearby secretary.
“Yes,” he said, “how do I use this?”
“Easy,” she replied, taking his thick report and putting it in the shredder.
“Thanks,” he smiled, “but what side do the copies come out?”
Man shrugging confused next to a paper shredder in an office hallway | Source: Midjourney
10. Whoa, Amen!
A man got lost in the desert. After wandering for weeks, he found a small house. He was tired and weak, so he crawled to the house and fainted.
The owner of the house, a kind and religious man, found him and helped him get better. When the man felt stronger, he asked for directions to the nearest town.
As he was leaving, he saw a horse. He asked the owner if he could borrow it. The owner agreed but said, “To make the horse go, say ‘Thank God.’ To make it stop, say ‘Amen.'”
A horse drinking water from a puddle next to a small house in a deserted area | Source: Midjourney
The man didn’t really listen and said, “Okay, sure.” He got on the horse and said, “Thank God,” and the horse started walking. He said, “Thank God, thank God,” and the horse started running. Feeling brave, the man shouted, “Thank God, thank God, thank God!” and the horse went even faster.
Suddenly, he saw a cliff ahead. He tried to stop the horse, yelling, “Whoa, stop!” Then he remembered, “Amen!”
The horse stopped right at the edge of the cliff. The man took a deep breath and said, “Thank God.”
Man looking scared riding a horse | Source: Midjourney
11. Nutty Natter
A man went into a bar and ordered a beer. As he was drinking, he heard a voice say, “Nice tie!” He looked around, but he and the bartender were the only ones there. Then the voice said, “I like your shirt!” Confused, the man called the bartender over.
“Am I losing it?” he asked. “I keep hearing voices telling me nice things, but no one else is here.”
“It’s the peanuts,” the bartender answered.
“What?” the man asked.
“The peanuts,” the bartender said again. “They’re complimentary.”
Peanuts in a smiley face bowl on a bar counter | Source: Midjourney
Wealthy Woman Dresses up in Beggarly Clothes to Check Out Her Daughter’s Fiancé – Story of the Day
Monica told her mother, Vivienne, that she was engaged to a new man named Zach. The older woman couldn’t believe it, mainly because he was not wealthy, so she decided to dress up as a poor woman and investigate. She couldn’t have been more shocked at the scene she found in Zach’s house.
Vivienne’s daughter, Monica, had just stormed out of her house. They had a massive argument over Monica’s announcement. She was going to marry a man named Zach. Vivienne couldn’t believe it because she had no idea her daughter had broken up with her boyfriend, Anthony.
Anthony’s family wasn’t as wealthy as Monica’s family, but they were respected in the high society of Hartford. Vivienne dreamed of his daughter marrying well and never worrying about money. However, it seemed that Monica’s new man did not come from money at all. He lived in the small town of Mystic. Moreover, he was a fisherman, and his parents worked blue-collar jobs their entire lives.
For Illustration Purposes only. | Source: Pexels
That won’t do. She can’t marry him! Vivienne thought, trying to calm her rapidly-beating heart after the fight with Monica.
“I can’t marry Anthony, Mother! He cheated on me with at least three women in just two months! Do you want me to be miserable?!” Monica had asked in tears.
“That can’t be true!” Vivienne yelled back, and that’s when Monica decided to storm out of the house.
Vivienne sat in her living room and thought about what to do. She had to fix this somehow. If Anthony was really a cheater, it made sense that Monica became attracted to someone outside their society. But what if this Zach was with her for her family’s money? Men could be gold-diggers too.
She had to check out Zach without her daughter. It had to be a scenario where he was forced to act as himself and not the version he wanted Monica to see, so she came up with a plan.
The following day, Vivienne took a taxi and arrived in Mystic, Connecticut, wearing the most horrible clothes she could find in her old boxes. She wore a stained skirt which she purposely ripped on one side and a sweater that smelled like mothballs. It was perfect. She would see Zach and observe how he acted around regular people.
Luckily, Mystic was such a small town that everyone apparently knew where Zach lived. Vivienne just asked a lady at the local grocery store, and she pointed her in the general direction.
For Illustration Purposes only. | Source: Unsplash
She reached his house, which was worse than Vivienne could’ve imagined. It looked run down and had an unkempt garden. She saw beer bottles and cigarette buds lying around as she approached the front door. Monica has never seen this house before, Vivienne thought, convinced of it. There’s no way her daughter would’ve fallen for a man who lived like this.
She wanted to run but had to get this done, so she raised her finger and rang the doorbell. A man with a gray, sweat-stained shirt answered the door. He was clearly in his 20s. This had to be Zach. He had a bottle of beer in his hand and an unshaven face.
“Yeah?” the man said.
“Oh, hello,” Vivienne began tentatively. Now that she was there, she had no idea how to talk to him or what to say to discover what kind of personality he had.
“Lady, what do you want?” the man continued irately now.
“I’m sorry. I was wondering if you could help me. I’m a bit lost,” she finally blurted. “Are you Zach?”
“Yeah, that’s me. What do you want?” Zach asked and belched. Vivienne couldn’t help looking disgusted, and he laughed.
Suddenly, a woman started yelling from inside the house. “Zach! Where did you put my lighter? You’re always losing stuff! YOU IDIOT!”
Zach turned from Vivienne and started shouting at the woman. “I’m the idiot? I’M THE IDIOT! You’re the one that loses everything as soon as it gets here. I don’t know where you put it! Don’t blame it on me!”
For Illustration Purposes only. | Source: Pexels
“I can’t believe I’m still with someone like you! I’m going to leave you tonight!” the woman screamed some more, and Vivienne heard the distinct sound of breaking glass. She raised a hand to her chest.
“THE DAY YOU LEAVE WILL BE THE BEST OF MY LIFE, CRAZY WOMAN!” Zach snapped loudly and turned back to look at Vivienne. “Look, lady. Get to the point. I’m busy.”
“That’s your girlfriend?” Vivienne breathed. It was the only thing that came to her mind after that horrible display. These people were awful.
“None of your business, old woman. Now, go away,” he bellowed and slammed the door in her face. Vivienne jumped as the door closed and couldn’t believe her daughter was actually dating that man.
This is awful. Monica was not only going to get her heart broken again, but this man was clearly abusive and dangerous to women in general. Vivienne had to stop it. But first, she had to go back to Hartford, which meant finding a taxi in this small town.
She started walking the streets and noticed the other houses around the block. They were old and tiny, just like Zach’s, but others maintained them. At least, not everyone was bad in this area. They were covered in snow this time of the year. Suddenly, a woman came out of one of the houses, saw Vivienne, and waved.
Vivienne smiled and waved back, not knowing what else to do. The woman started walking towards her. She was around her age and had the kindest smile in the world.
“Hey, there! Do you need help? Are you lost?” the woman asked.
For Illustration Purposes only. | Source: Pexels
“Oh, no. Don’t worry about it. I just need to find a taxi and go home,” Vivienne answered and tried to walk away. But the woman wouldn’t let her.
“Wait. I’m Georgia. It’s getting really cold out here, and sometimes, it’s hard to find a taxi on the main road. Come inside, and I’ll call one for you,” she suggested.
“I’m Vivienne. Nice to meet you. That’s such a kind offer, but I don’t know….”
“I insist,” the woman continued and urged Vivienne inside.
They chatted a while, and Georgia called the cab company in town. Apparently, all the drivers were busy, and none of them wanted to drive all the way to Hartford.
“Oh, dear. What should I do? I have to get to Hartford tonight,” Vivienne muttered, biting her bottom lip.
“A taxi from here to Hartford is so expensive. Are you sure? Maybe, you can stay here, and tomorrow, you can take the bus,” Georgia noted.
“Oh, it’s alright. Someone else is paying the taxi,” Vivienne lied. “It’s important for me to get home tonight.”
Just then, someone opened the front door and came in. “Hey, Ma!”
It was a handsome man in his 20s who looked remarkably like Georgia with a kind face and smile. Georgia hugged him and introduced him to Vivienne. He was visiting his mother and brought over fresh fish he had caught that day.
“Oh, boy. I meant to ask. Do you know anyone going to Hartford tonight?” Georgia asked her son after stashing the fish in the freezer.
For Illustration Purposes only. | Source: Pexels
The man stood in the middle of the living room and pursed his lips. “Oh, I don’t. Why?”
“Vivienne has to get there tonight, but none of the taxis in town want to take her,” Georgia replied.
“Well, why don’t I take her? I was thinking of going to Hartford this weekend and buying some stuff. But I guess tonight works too,” Georgia’s son offered.
“Oh, I wouldn’t want to put you out. You look tired,” Vivienne muttered, embarrassed.
“Don’t worry about it. Let’s go,” the man insisted and guided Vivienne to his car. It was an old pickup, but he assured her it worked perfectly and would get them to their destination.
They talked during the more-than-one-hour drive to Hartford, and Vivienne was pleasantly surprised by his kind demeanor. Not many people would have offered an older woman a ride just like that, and she hadn’t talked about paying him. He was a kind, hard-working man.
Well, not everyone in that town is as awful as Monica’s new boyfriend. Why couldn’t she meet a boy like this? Vivienne was lost in thought as they entered the city.
“Ma’am. Where exactly are you going? I can take you anywhere,” the man wondered.
“Oh, there’s this gated community…,” Vivienne began, giving him the directions to her area. But she told him to stop at the gates instead of leading him to her house.
For Illustration Purposes only. | Source: Pexels
“Here! Have some money for the ride. It’s what I would’ve paid the taxi,” she said, holding out some cash in her hand and opening the door with her other hand.
“No, no. I couldn’t. I was already coming here anyway,” the man rejected her offer.
Vivienne tried to insist. “Please, take it.”
“No, ma’am. I really couldn’t. I used this ride as an excuse to see my girlfriend, who lives around the area. I should thank you!” the man laughed, and Vivienne joined him.
“Well, then. I appreciate your kindness,” she finally said before getting out of the truck and waving goodbye at the young man.
Oh, I never even asked his name. Jesus, I forgot all my manners, she thought after reaching her house.
Her meeting with Monica’s horrible boyfriend had truly shaken her, but at least, she met some great people that got her home safely. Obviously, she knew that money wasn’t everything, and many average folks were great people. But her daughter had made a colossal mistake.
Why couldn’t she have picked someone like Georgia’s son? He was pretty nice, Vivienne thought as she changed out of the old clothes and into her pajamas.
For Illustration Purposes only. | Source: Pexels
Suddenly, her phone pinged with a message. It was Monica. She said that she was bringing her boyfriend for dinner tomorrow night and hoped Vivienne would be nice.
“Oh, dear. I’m going to have to break your heart tomorrow. But you definitely can’t marry that man,” she muttered out loud, looking intently at her phone.
The following night, Vivienne was worried. Her daughter’s car had just pulled into her driveway, and Zach was coming with her. She had no idea how to explain what she did yesterday and how she ended up at that man’s house. But Monica would have to see reason. That horrible man was sweaty, rude, and had a girlfriend.
There was a knock on the front door, and Vivienne breathed deeply to gather her courage. She was about to start a huge fight with that man, and Monica had to listen to her. But when the older woman opened the door, her mouth dropped. No arguments or screams came out — just a tiny squeak.
“Mom?” Monica asked, frowning at her mother.
The man standing beside her was not that sweaty Zach she had met the previous day. It was Georgia’s son!
For Illustration Purposes only. | Source: Pexels
“Ma’am?” the man asked and looked at Monica with a confused expression. “This is your mother? I gave her a ride from Mystic last night.”
“What? Mom, what were you doing at Mystic?” Monica wondered, placing her hand on her waist.
“Oh, dear. Come in! Come in! This is your boyfriend, Zach?” Vivienne inquired as she guided them inside quickly, breathing heavily. She was ecstatic.
“Yes, Mom. This is Zach. But did you meet him yesterday?” her daughter asked again, refusing to let her change the subject. They both removed their coats, and Vivienne was smiling at them with the most relieved smile in the world.
“Yes, dear. It’s a long story. Sit down…,” she told them and explained everything that happened the day before, including how Zach ended up driving her back to Hartford.
There were two people named Zach in the town of Mystic, and the lady at the store only knew one of them. The rude one. Monica found the whole story hilarious and their original fight had already been forgotten by the time Vivienne finished.
For Illustration Purposes only. | Source: Pexels
The whole night, Vivienne was so friendly to Monica’s Zach. They had dinner and enjoyed a wonderful time. Before the couple left, Vivienne told Monica that she approved and would pay for their wedding if they desired. The older woman never judged Zach for being a fisherman because he treated her daughter like a princess.
Besides, after meeting that sweaty Zach, anyone else was infinitely better.
What can we learn from this story?
- Don’t judge others based on their financial status. Money doesn’t mean anything in the end. Some horrible people have tons of money, and some of the greatest might be working paycheck to paycheck.
- Don’t assume you know what’s best for your children. Some parents think they know what would make their kids happy, but that’s not always the case.
Share this story with your friends. It might brighten their day and inspire them.
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