The day I buried Emily, all I had left were our photos and memories. But when something slipped from behind our engagement picture that night, my hands started shaking. What I discovered made me question if I’d ever really known my wife at all.
The funeral home had tied a black ribbon on our front door. I stared at it, my key suspended in the lock, wondering who’d thought that was necessary.
A black ribbon attached to a doorknob | Source: Midjourney
As if the neighbors didn’t already know that I’d been at the cemetery all afternoon, watching them lower my wife into the ground while Rev. Matthews talked about angels and eternal rest.
My hands shook as I finally got the door open. The house smelled wrong — like leather polish and sympathy casseroles.
Emily’s sister Jane had “helped” by cleaning while I was at the hospital during those final days. Now everything gleamed with an artificial brightness that made my teeth hurt.
A home entrance hallway | Source: Pexels
“Home sweet home, right, Em?” I called out automatically, then caught myself. The silence that answered felt like a physical blow.
I loosened my tie, the blue one Emily had bought me last Christmas, and kicked off my dress shoes. They hit the wall with dull thuds.
Emily would have scolded me for that, pressing her lips together in the way she had, trying not to smile while she lectured me about scuff marks.
A heartbroken man looking down | Source: Midjourney
“Sorry, honey,” I muttered, but I left the shoes where they lay.
Our bedroom was worse than the rest of the house. Jane had changed the sheets — probably trying to be kind — but the fresh linen smell just emphasized that Emily’s scent was gone.
The bed was made with hospital corners, every wrinkle smoothed away, erasing the casual mess that had been our life together.
“This isn’t real,” I said to the empty room. “This can’t be real.”
A bedroom | Source: Pexels
But it was. The sympathy cards on the dresser proved it, as did the pills on the nightstand that hadn’t been enough to save her in the end.
It had all happened so suddenly. Em got sick last year, but she fought it. Chemotherapy took an immense toll on her, but I was there to support her every step of the way. The cancer eventually went into remission.
We thought we’d won. Then a check-up showed it was back, and it was everywhere.
A couple staring grimly at each other | Source: Midjourney
Em fought like a puma right up until the end, but… but it was a losing battle. I could see that now.
I fell onto her side of the bed, not bothering to change out of my funeral clothes. The mattress didn’t even hold her shape anymore. Had Jane flipped it? The thought made me irrationally angry.
“Fifteen years,” I whispered into Emily’s pillow. “Fifteen years, and this is how it ends? A ribbon on the door and casseroles in the fridge?”
A heartbroken man | Source: Midjourney
My eyes landed on our engagement photo, the silver frame catching the late afternoon light. Emily looked so alive in it, her yellow sundress bright against the summer sky, her laugh caught mid-burst as I spun her around.
I grabbed it, needing to be closer to that moment and the joy we both felt then.
“Remember that day, Em? You said the camera would capture our souls. Said that’s why you hated having your picture taken, because—”
My fingers caught on something behind the frame.
A man holding a photo | Source: Midjourney
There was a bump under the backing that shouldn’t have been there.
I traced it again, frowning. Without really thinking about what I was doing, I pried the backing loose. Something slipped out, floating to the carpet like a fallen leaf.
My heart stopped.
It was another photograph, old and slightly curved as if it had been handled often before being hidden away.
A stunned man | Source: Midjourney
In the photo, Emily (God, she looked so young) was sitting in a hospital bed, cradling a newborn wrapped in a pink blanket.
Her face was different than I’d ever seen it: exhausted, and scared, but with a fierce love that took my breath away.
I couldn’t understand what I was looking at. Although we tried, Emily and I were never able to have kids, so whose baby was this?
A confused man | Source: Midjourney
With trembling fingers, I turned the photo over. Emily’s handwriting, but shakier than I knew it: “Mama will always love you.”
Below that was a phone number.
“What?” The word came out as a croak. “Emily, what is this?”
There was only one way to find out.
A thoughtful man | Source: Midjourney
The phone felt heavy in my hand as I dialed, not caring that it was nearly midnight. Each ring echoed in my head like a church bell.
“Hello?” A woman answered, her voice warm but cautious.
“I’m sorry for calling so late.” My voice sounded strange to my ears. “My name is James. I… I just found a photograph of my wife Emily with a baby, and this number…”
The silence stretched so long I thought she’d hung up.
A man speaking on his phone | Source: Midjourney
“Oh,” she finally said, so softly I almost missed it. “Oh, James. I’ve been waiting for this call for years. It’s been ages since Emily got in touch.”
“Emily died.” The words tasted like ashes. “The funeral was today.”
“I’m so sorry.” Her voice cracked with genuine grief. “I’m Sarah. I… I adopted Emily’s daughter, Lily.”
The room tilted sideways. I gripped the edge of the bed. “Daughter?”
A shocked man | Source: Midjourney
“She was nineteen,” Sarah explained gently. “A freshman in college. She knew she couldn’t give the baby the life she deserved. It was the hardest decision she ever made.”
“We tried for years to have children,” I said, anger suddenly blazing through my grief. “Years of treatments, specialists, disappointments. She never said a word about having a baby before me. Never.”
“She was terrified,” Sarah said. “Terrified you’d judge her, terrified you’d leave. She loved you so much, James. Sometimes love makes us do impossible things.”
A man on a phone call | Source: Midjourney
I closed my eyes, remembering her tears during fertility treatments, and how she’d grip my hand too tight whenever we passed playgrounds.
I’d assumed it was because we were both so desperate to have a child, but now I wondered how much of that came from longing for the daughter she gave up.
“Tell me about her,” I heard myself say. “Tell me about Lily.”
A man speaking on his phone | Source: Midjourney
Sarah’s voice brightened. “She’s twenty-five now. A kindergarten teacher, if you can believe it. She has Emily’s laugh, her way with people. She’s always known she was adopted, and she knows about Emily. Would… would you like to meet her?”
“Of course!” I replied.
The next morning, I sat in a corner booth at a café, too nervous to touch my coffee. The bell above the door chimed, and I looked up.
It was like being punched in the chest.
A man in a coffeeshop | Source: Midjourney
She had Emily’s eyes and her smile. She even tucked her hair behind her ear like Em would’ve as she scanned the room. When our gazes met, we both knew.
“James?” Her voice wavered.
I stood, nearly knocking over my chair. “Lily.”
She rushed forward, wrapping her arms around me like she’d been waiting her whole life to do it. I held her close, breathing in the scent of her shampoo — lavender, just like Emily’s had been.
Two people hugging | Source: Midjourney
“I can’t believe you’re here,” she whispered against my shoulder. “When Mom called this morning… I’ve always wondered about you, about what kind of man my mother married.”
We spent hours talking. She showed me pictures on her phone of her college graduation, her first classroom, and her cat. I told her stories about Emily, our life together, and the woman her mother became.
“She used to send Mom birthday cards for me every year,” Lily revealed, wiping tears from her eyes.
A woman in a coffeeshop smiling sadly | Source: Midjourney
“We never spoke, but Mom told me she used to call now and then to ask how I was doing.”
Looking at this beautiful, brilliant young woman who had Emily’s kindness shining in her eyes, I began to understand Emily’s secret differently.
It wasn’t just shame or fear that had kept her quiet. She’d been protecting Lily by letting her have a safe, stable life with Sarah. It must have hurt Em deeply to keep this secret, but she’d done it out of love for her child.
A thoughtful man | Source: Midjourney
“I wish I’d known sooner,” I said, reaching for Lily’s hand. “But I think I understand why she never told me. I’m so sorry you can’t get to know her, but I want you to know, I’ll always be here for you, okay?”
Lily squeezed my fingers. “Do you think… could we maybe do this again? Get to know each other better?”
“I’d like that,” I said, feeling something warm bloom in my chest for the first time since Emily’s death. “I’d like that very much.”
A man smiling in a coffeeshop | Source: Midjourney
That night, I placed the hidden photo next to our engagement picture on the nightstand.
Emily smiled at me from both frames — young and old, before and after, always with love in her eyes. I touched her face through the glass.
“You did good, Em,” I whispered. “You did real good. And I promise you, I’ll do right by her. By both of you.”
Gary Burghoff AKA Radar from ‘M*A*S*H’ Always Kept His Left Hand Out of View – Five Times We Could See It
The hit 1972 sitcom “M*A*S*H” introduced the world to a number of memorable and beloved characters, from the smart-mouthed yet compassionate Captain Benjamin Franklin “Hawkeye” Pierce to his endearing friend, Captain B.J. Hunnicutt. Almost every character had stuck in the minds of the fans.
One of the characters that often featured but was easily overlooked by his military counterparts due to his nervous nature was the 4077 MASH unit’s company clerk, Corporal Walter Eugene “Radar” O’Reilly. Although many of the staff on the base tended to take Radar’s effort for granted, the fans sure noticed him.
Radar was portrayed by the acclaimed actor Gary Burghoff from the start of the TV show in 1972 until the seventh season, which aired in 1979. Although fans clamored for more of the unassuming clerk, Burghoff revealed that he needed to step away from the show to rekindle his personal relationships and fight burnout.
“M*A*S*H’s” Influence and Burghoff’s Personal Identity
Although Burghoff enjoyed playing Radar, the role became increasingly demanding. The actor commented that it became difficult to separate himself from his character in the eyes of the public, which soon became tedious. He also noted that he despised being fawned over by the crowds:
“Aw, I know I’m cute. Cute, cute, CUTE! I was always cute because I was always the smallest kid on the block. I hate cute.”
Everyone saw Burghoff as an adorable, short, timid character as they’d known him on-screen and on the stage for many years. However, after years of being looked down upon, both metaphorically and physically speaking, Burghoff grew tired of the persona so easily attributed to him by scores of people he had never even met.
The actor lashed out against this view of him as a cute little fellow by defending his height. As he so rightly pointed out, 5 feet 6 inches isn’t irregularly short, and he would have seen the tops of Arte Johnson or Mickey Rooney’s heads had they ever met. Nonetheless, the persona stuck.
Luckily for all his fans, Burghoff didn’t let his disability stand in his way, and he pursued his dream of becoming an actor.
Despite his misgivings about how others perceived him, Burghoff’s fellow cast members adored him. The director Charles Dubin recalled working with Burghoff before he left “M*A*S*H,” noting how caring and pleasant Burghoff was to everyone on set. However, Burghoff had another aspect of himself that drove down his self-esteem.
Burghoff had been born with a congenital disability called Brachydactyly, a form of Poland Syndrome. The condition left the actor with three fingers on his left hand that were noticeably smaller than the rest of his digits, and the abnormality had plagued him since he was a small child. The actor commented:
“Of course, this defect affected me while I was growing up. I suppose when I was very young, I knew my disability would set me apart and make me special.”
Luckily for all his fans, Burghoff didn’t let his disability stand in his way, and he pursued his dream of becoming an actor. Yet, becoming a fan-favorite on one of the most iconic TV shows America had ever produced never managed to quell his insecurities about his stout fingers and stocky frame.
Throughout his run on “M*A*S*H,” Burghoff tried to hide his left hand from the camera. He would often position himself so that the camera could only see one side of his body and usually gestured with his right if the scene required it, although the actor would be obligated to use both hands now and again.
In one of the earliest episodes, viewers were introduced to Radar as he stood in an open area, wearing a greyish shirt and his trademark cap. As the actor turned around and looked at the sky — once again hearing approaching helicopters before everyone else — the camera briefly panned over both his hands holding a football.
When Colonel Sherman T. Potter first made his appearance on the show, taking over from the beloved Lieutenant Colonel Henry Blake, Radar and the new commander shared a scene where they first met. As Colonel Potter exited the room to find the latrines, the camera centered on Burghoff’s upper body as he opened a box with both hands.
Another infamous scene caught Burghoff with both hands on camera. During a regular morning salute, with the loathsome Major Frank Burns leading the ceremony, Radar does his usual morning salute with a bugle. In a hilarious twist, one of the men fires off the ceremonial canon at Burns’s behest.
Naturally, Radar gets the short end of the stick as the cannonball flies directly at him, knocking his instrument clean out of his hands. In the next few seconds, Burghoff turns toward the camera in a pantomime of rage, balling his fists and stomping in outrage. Here, both his hands can be seen for a brief second.
In one of the later episodes, the writers showed off Radar’s softer side when he cuddled his pet guinea pig, Babette. Naturally, Radar stood with his left hand beneath his right, but just as he started to sing, Father John Mulcahy called for him. Burghoff’s hands were visible again as he put the Babette away.
One of the scenes where Burghoff openly showed his left hand came as part of another gag the show pulled. At the start of the scene, Radar could be seen walking across a dirt road while two other military personnel walked away from the camera. The man on Radar’s right first lifted his hand in salute, followed shortly by one on the left.
Radar, the pleasant character he was, lifted his right hand in response to the first salute, as military etiquette dictates. Caught off guard by the quick second salute, Radar lifted his left hand as well, essentially performing a double salute. Feeling sheepish, he frowned and lowered his hands slowly in one of Burghoff’s classic displays of confusion.
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