Narcissism is a phenomenon in which a person with low self-esteem is afraid of losing authority in the eyes of others, and they begin to manipulate their friends, colleagues, and family to appear better than they really are. These people are so determined. We decided to imagine what it’s like to have your beloved mother like this.
They have a distorted perception of love and achievement, making it nearly impossible for them to make you feel good enough.
Their self-worth hinges on external validation and a facade of perfection. This creates a moving target for your worth in their eyes. You can achieve great things, but their praise might be laced with criticism, or they might simply shift the goalposts to a new, unattainable standard. This leaves you perpetually striving for an unachievable level of approval.
Additionally, their happiness is often transactional. They dole out affection when it suits them, leaving you confused about what truly earns their love. This inconsistency fosters insecurity and self-doubt, making you question your own value no matter what you accomplish. Ultimately, a narcissistic mother’s inability to offer genuine, unconditional love creates a core belief that you’ll never be good enough, regardless of your efforts.
Narcissistic mothers won’t let their kids’ successes overshadow their own.
Narcissistic mothers crave attention and view their children’s achievements through a distorted lens. While they might brag about their child’s successes superficially, they can’t handle being outshined. This stems from a deep insecurity and a fragile sense of self. Their child’s triumphs become a threat, rather than a source of pride. They may downplay the accomplishment, subtly criticize, or even try to one-up their child with their own past glories, all to maintain a sense of superiority.
She’s only worried about her own problems.
A narcissistic mother’s world often revolves around herself, leaving little room for her child’s emotions or experiences. Their own needs for validation and admiration take priority. They struggle to empathize with their child’s struggles, viewing them as inconveniences or attention-grabbing tactics. This is because the narcissist lacks the emotional maturity to see their child as a separate being with valid feelings. Their child’s problems become burdens to be managed, rather than opportunities for connection and support.
These mothers humiliate their children.
There are a couple of reasons why narcissistic mothers might resort to humiliating their children. One is to maintain control. By publicly criticizing, mocking, or exaggerating their child’s flaws, the mother keeps them feeling insecure and dependent. This fragile self-esteem makes the child less likely to challenge the mother’s authority or seek independence.
Another reason is to bolster the narcissist’s own fragile ego. Putting their child down creates a clear hierarchy where the mother is always superior. This can be especially pronounced if the child shows any potential to outshine the mother, triggering a need to cut them down to size. Ultimately, the humiliation serves the narcissist’s own needs for power and self-importance, leaving the child feeling emotionally bruised and diminished.
She makes kids feel guilty for getting something.
Narcissistic mothers often induce guilt in their children for receiving gifts or achieving success because it reinforces their own sense of control. They might make comments like, «You don’t deserve this, there are others who need it more,» implying the child is selfish for wanting something good. This guilt trip serves a few purposes.
Firstly, it keeps the child feeling indebted and obligated to please the mother. Secondly, it deflects attention away from the mother’s inability to be genuinely happy for her child’s good fortune. Ultimately, by making their child feel guilty, the narcissistic mother manipulates the situation to maintain the focus on themselves and their emotional needs.
She thinks she always deserves the best.
A narcissistic mother’s belief in her own deservingness stems from a distorted sense of self-importance. Deep down, she craves admiration and validation, and views herself as superior to others. This inflated ego convinces her that she deserves the best in life, regardless of her actions or contributions. It’s a constant need to be seen as special and entitled.
This sense of entitlement can manifest in various ways, from expecting lavish gifts and unwavering support to feeling justified in cutting in line or bending the rules. For a narcissistic mother, the «best» isn’t just about material possessions, but also about the constant flow of attention, praise, and control that reinforces her grandiosity.
Her love is unstable. When she needs something, she’s kind. When she doesn’t, she’s rude.
Narcissistic mothers often exhibit a transactional kind of love, where affection is dangled like a carrot. When their needs are unmet, their self-absorption takes center stage. They might become critical, dismissive, or even cold towards their child. Conversely, when they require something — maybe errands run, emotional support, or a public image boost — the kindness faucet turns on.
This emotional inconsistency leaves the child confused and insecure. They never quite know what version of their mother they’ll encounter, creating a constant state of walking on eggshells to avoid the unpredictable shift from loving to cold.
She cares too much about how other people see her.
A narcissistic mother craves external validation and uses how others perceive her as a mirror for her fragile self-esteem. Her self-worth hinges on admiration and a cultivated image of perfection. This makes her hyper-aware of how others view her, particularly in her role as a mother. She might brag excessively about her child’s accomplishments, not necessarily out of pride, but to reflect well on her own parenting skills.
Conversely, any perceived shortcomings in her child become a threat to her image. She might downplay their achievements or even criticize them publicly to maintain a facade of control and superiority in the eyes of others. Ultimately, the well-being and genuine connection with her child become secondary to managing the public perception of a perfect mother and family.
She complains about people that do something against her will.
Narcissistic mothers view any challenge to their control as a personal attack. Their rigid sense of self-importance dictates that things should go their way. When someone, especially their child, dares to act independently or disagree, it triggers a deep sense of entitlement being violated. They may lash out by complaining excessively, playing the victim, or attempting to manipulate the situation back to their desired outcome.
These complaints serve a dual purpose: firstly, to punish the person for disobeying, and secondly, to garner sympathy or support from others, further reinforcing their position of authority. Ultimately, a narcissistic mother’s complaints about those who defy her are less about the specific action and more about maintaining a power dynamic where she remains in control.
Narcissistic mothers are jealous of their daughters’ beauty. And they pretend to be caring.
A narcissistic mother’s insecurity can turn a daughter’s blossoming beauty into a source of hidden jealousy. They may outwardly offer compliments laced with backhanded remarks, like «You look pretty, but maybe try a different shade of lipstick.» This thinly veiled criticism undermines the daughter’s confidence while maintaining a facade of caring.
Deeper down, the mother might feel threatened by her daughter’s youthful beauty, a stark reminder of her own fading youth and potential loss of attention. This jealousy can manifest in various ways, from sabotaging the daughter’s attempts to dress up for an event to subtly comparing her looks to others. The narcissistic mother’s mask of concern hides a desire to control the narrative, ensuring her daughter’s beauty doesn’t overshadow her own.
She criticizes a lot but almost never gives praise.
Narcissistic mothers often fall into a harsh critic pattern for a few reasons. Firstly, their self-worth is fueled by a need for control and a sense of superiority. Constant criticism keeps their child feeling insecure and dependent, less likely to challenge their authority. Secondly, genuine praise can feel threatening to a narcissist. If their child is successful or confident, it might overshadow the mother’s own perceived importance.
Instead of celebrating their child’s achievements, they might downplay them or even resort to nitpicking flaws. Ultimately, the lack of praise becomes a tool for manipulation. By withholding validation, the narcissistic mother keeps her child striving for approval, a dynamic that reinforces her own sense of power and control.
They’re angry if someone else is in the spotlight.
A narcissistic mother thrives on being the center of attention. Their fragile self-esteem craves constant validation and admiration. When someone else, especially their child, receives praise or recognition, it’s perceived as a direct threat. This triggers a surge of anger because it disrupts their carefully curated image of superiority. They might downplay the other person’s accomplishment, subtly criticize them, or even try to steal the spotlight back to themselves with tales of their own past glories.
This anger isn’t about protecting their child, but about protecting their own inflated sense of self-importance. They can’t bear to share the spotlight, and their reaction reflects a deep-seated insecurity that can leave their child feeling confused and emotionally neglected.
Narcissistic mothers might constantly remind you of the things they’ve done for you.
One is to create a sense of obligation and guilt. By replaying a litany of sacrifices and favors, they make you feel indebted, making it harder to disagree with them or assert your independence. It’s a way to control you through emotional manipulation. Another reason is to inflate their own sense of importance.
Recounting their «good deeds» reinforces their narrative as the selfless caregiver deserving of constant praise and gratitude. Ultimately, these constant reminders are about them, not you. It’s a tactic to maintain power within the relationship and ensure you remain focused on their needs rather than developing your own sense of self.
These narcissistic traits can take a toll. But there’s good news! Our next piece dives into how these experiences shape you, and what you heal from it.
My MIL Gave Me Shoes for My Birthday – I Was Shocked When I Lifted the Insole
Jess is suspicious when her icy MIL gifts her expensive shoes for her birthday. Her worst fears come true when she wears them on a business trip, and the TSA discovers something suspicious hidden inside. Now, she must unravel if this gift was an attempt at sabotage or something even darker.
I should have known better than to trust a gift from Debbie. On looking back now, the warning signs were all there — the too-sweet smile when she handed me the box, the way her eyes glinted with something that wasn’t quite kindness.
A woman with a surprised look on her face | Source: Midjourney
But what was I supposed to do? They were just shoes, right? Beautiful patent leather yellow shoes with a wide heel, exactly my style. And for once, my mother-in-law seemed to be making an effort.
“Oh, they’re lovely,” I’d said, forcing enthusiasm into my voice while Arthur beamed beside me. “Thank you, Debbie.”
She’d waved her hand dismissively. “Well, I noticed you always wear such… practical shoes. I thought you might want something nice for once.”
A woman speaking | Source: Midjourney
The barb was there, wrapped in silk, just like always. But I’d smiled and nodded, just like always. That’s what you do when you’re trying to keep the peace, right? When your husband loves his mother, and you’re trying to be the bigger person?
Besides, it wasn’t the first time she’d taken little jabs at me.
There was the Christmas dinner where she’d pointedly asked Arthur if he remembered how his ex-girlfriend Sarah made “the most divine turkey.”
A roast turkey | Source: Midjourney
Or when she’d shown up unannounced on our anniversary with old photo albums full of Arthur’s childhood pictures and stayed for three hours.
Every visit was an exercise in diplomatic relations, with me playing the role of ambassador to a hostile nation.
“She’s just set in her ways,” Arthur would say after particularly tense encounters. “Give her time.” But we’d been married for over a year now, and if anything, her behavior had gotten worse, not better.
A thoughtful woman | Source: Midjourney
I didn’t wear the shoes for a week. They sat in their box, pristine and accusing, until my business trip to Chicago came up. Arthur lounged on our bed, scrolling through his phone as I packed my suitcase.
“You should wear Mom’s shoes,” he suggested. “Show her you appreciate them.”
I ran my finger along the smooth leather. “Yeah, maybe I will.”
“I think she’s trying, you know,” he added, looking up from his screen. “That this is her way of extending an olive branch.”
A smiling man | Source: Midjourney
If only I’d listened to my gut instead of his optimism.
The first hint of trouble came at the airport. Something felt off. Like there was something in my left shoe, but when I took it off to check, there was nothing there. Just pristine leather and that new-shoe smell.
“Everything okay?” The businessman behind me in the security line looked impatient, checking his watch for the third time in a minute.
A business man in an airport | Source: Midjourney
“Fine,” I muttered, slipping the shoe back on. “Just breaking in new shoes.”
But it wasn’t fine. With each step toward security, the sensation grew worse — a persistent pressure against the ball of my foot, as if something was trying to push its way out.
By the time I reached the conveyor belt, I was practically limping. It was a relief when the TSA officer asked me to remove my shoes and put them on the belt.
An airport security officer | Source: Midjourney
The TSA officer’s face told me everything before he even opened his mouth.
He’d been scanning items with the practiced boredom of someone who’d seen it all, but something made him sit up straight, eyes narrowing at his screen.
“Ma’am, step aside, please.”
My stomach dropped. “Is there a problem?”
A worried woman in an airport | Source: Midjourney
He pointed to the X-ray screen, where something dark and dense lurked in the outline of my left shoe. “We need to examine this more closely. Please remove the insole.”
The businessman who’d been behind me in line shot me a suspicious look as he retrieved his laptop. A mother pulled her young daughter closer as they passed.
My cheeks burned as I sat down and worked at the insole with trembling fingers.
“Need some help?” A female officer had appeared, snapping on blue latex gloves.
A woman putting on blue latex gloves | Source: Pexels
“I… I don’t understand,” I stammered. “These were a gift from my mother-in-law. I just wore them for the first time today.”
The insole finally peeled back with a soft ripping sound. There, nestled in a cavity that had been carefully carved into the sole, was a small package wrapped in plastic. Green-brown contents showed through the clear wrapping.
The original officer’s expression hardened. “Can you explain this?”
A stern airport security officer | Source: Midjourney
“Those aren’t my shoes. I mean, they are, but they were a gift. I didn’t know—” My voice cracked. “Please, I have no idea what that is. I’m supposed to be giving a presentation in Chicago tomorrow morning.”
“We’ll need to test the contents,” he cut me off. “Please wait here.”
Twenty minutes felt like 20 years. I sat on a hard plastic chair, watching other travelers stream past, imagining headlines: “Marketing Executive Caught Smuggling Drugs.”
AN anxious woman | Source: Midjourney
I thought about calling Arthur but couldn’t bear explaining this over the phone. What would he think? What would he say to Debbie?
The senior officer who finally arrived to speak to me had kind eyes above his stern mouth. “The preliminary tests show no controlled substances in this package,” he said. “But we can’t allow you to take it on your flight, just in case. You understand this could have been a serious situation?”
“Yes, sir.” I fought back tears of relief. “I’m so sorry for the trouble.”
A relieved woman speaking to an airport security officer | Source: Midjourney
“Be more careful about what you carry through security,” he warned as he released me.
I stared at the package the TSA officer placed into my palm. Part of me wanted to throw it away, but I hurriedly tossed it into one of the airport lockers before jogging to catch my flight.
I barely made it and spent the entire trip to Chicago with my mind racing. Why would Debbie do this? What was she trying to accomplish?
Each possibility I considered seemed more outlandish than the last, but they all pointed to one unavoidable conclusion: my mother-in-law had deliberately set me up.
A woman staring thoughtfully out a plane window | Source: Midjourney
I took the bag to a lab for testing immediately after I returned home. When the results came back, I couldn’t believe my eyes.
I stared at the report, my coffee growing cold beside me. Mugwort. Yarrow. St. John’s Wort. According to my frantic Google searches, these herbs were used in folk magic. They were used for spells meant to drive people away, sever connections, or “protect” someone from unwanted influences.
Debbie had tried to use magic to get rid of me.
A shocked woman | Source: Midjourney
That evening, I waited until Arthur and I had finished dinner. He was loading the dishwasher, humming under his breath, when I finally worked up the courage.
“We need to talk about your mother,” I said.
He turned, dish soap bubbles clinging to his hands. “What’s wrong?”
I told him everything about the airport, the herbs, and what I’d discovered about their supposed magical properties.
A woman talking to her husband | Source: Midjourney
His face grew darker with each word, the muscle in his jaw ticking as he clenched it.
“She’s never wanted me in your life. This proves it. I was almost arrested because of this stunt, Arthur. All because she can’t accept that you chose me.”
Arthur dried his hands slowly, methodically, like he needed the simple task to ground himself.
“I knew she was having trouble accepting you, but this…” He shook his head. “This is something else entirely. It’s on a whole other level, and it’s unforgivable.”
A man staring at his wife | Source: Midjourney
“What are we going to do?”
He looked at me, and I saw the pain in his eyes. But there was also determination. “I’m going to call her right now. And then I’m going to tell her that until she can admit what she did and genuinely apologize to you, she’s not welcome in our home.”
“Arthur, you don’t have to—”
“Yes, I do.” He took my hand, his grip firm and sure.
A man reassuring his wife | Source: Midjourney
“She crossed a line, Jess. She tried to hurt you and made you look like a criminal. I love my mother, but I won’t let her destroy my marriage. You’re my family too, and it’s time she understood that.”
I leaned into him, feeling the steady beat of his heart against my cheek. The shoes sat in our closet, a reminder that sometimes the most dangerous gifts come wrapped in the prettiest packages.
As Arthur reached for his phone, I knew we’d weather this storm together and be stronger for facing it head-on.
A resolute woman | Source: Midjourney
Maybe that’s what really drives Debbie crazy: knowing that every attempt to separate us only brings us closer together.
Maybe someday she’ll realize there’s enough room in Arthur’s heart for both of us. Until then, we’ll keep our distance, and I’ll be more careful about accepting gifts.
Here’s another story: At Amanda’s wedding, simmering tensions with her disapproving mother reach a breaking point when a cruel “gift” pushes Amanda to her limit. Faced with an unforgivable moment of betrayal, she must decide whether to stand up for her fiancé or risk losing everything.
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
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