According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
Pregnant Wife Forced to Work Over 40 Hours and Handle All House Chores
While their house was being renovated, a woman and her fiancé chose to stay at the woman’s sister’s place. During their stay, the woman noticed the complete lack of support her pregnant sister received from her husband. Despite working over 40 hours a week, the pregnant sister also managed all the household chores alone. At Thanksgiving dinner, the woman decided it was time to teach her brother-in-law a lesson.
In November 2021, an anonymous woman posted a touching story on Reddit’s “AITA” forum. The 24-year-old woman shared a story about her 32-year-old sister and her 38-year-old husband, who exemplified weaponized incompetence.
Despite working full-time for over 40 hours a week, managing all household responsibilities, and caring for their four children—10-year-old daughter, 8-year-old son, 5-year-old son, and 3-year-old daughter—while pregnant, her sister’s husband did nothing to help.
The woman was shocked to see her sister wake up at 4 a.m., handle breakfast and chores, and get the kids ready for school while her husband stayed home, worked, and played video games after she picked the children up. Remarkably, the woman noted that her sister earned more than her husband.
What Happened When the Woman and Her Fiancé Stayed with Her Sister?
While their home was being renovated, the woman and her 26-year-old fiancé stayed at her sister’s place for six weeks. Since they worked from home, they could help, and their support made the woman’s sister feel happy and relieved.
The woman helped her sister with the kids, and her fiancé even drove her to doctor’s appointments. In contrast, the husband only acknowledged his parental role when his family was around, pretending to be a god-fearing and hardworking father of five.
Despite the woman’s sister wanting to stop having children after the last baby, her husband insisted on having more boys. The original poster worried not only for her sister but also for her children, especially as the oldest began to notice the situation and tried to help. However, OP’s sister, driven by pride, refused to let her child take on any responsibilities.
OP admitted she never got along with her brother-in-law, and his behavior had been consistent since the birth of his eight-year-old son. Despite discussing the option of leaving, her sister was resistant and feared her children would grow up in a broken home.
Her views on divorce differed from OP’s, as her experience with their parents’ divorce was very different. She believed her kids needed both parents together and was reluctant to consider the potential benefits of a divorce.
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