Fearing for their children’s futures, parents search for universal parenting techniques that will put their kids on the route to a prosperous job and a happy life. But times are changing, and the old principles of success are no longer relevant. Sometimes, parents’ actions, intended to be helpful, can actually create challenges for their children’s future.
1. Not allowing their kid to fail
Perfectionist parent often strives for perfection themselves, leading them to expect increasing levels of perfection from their child as they grow older — from the child’s artwork never being good enough to their bed not being made perfectly or not studying hard enough. The child faces constant criticism and reprimands but is never allowed to learn from their mistakes. Children of perfectionist parents may grow up to be perfectionists themselves or develop low self-esteem and lack confidence. Both outcomes can negatively impact their future careers.
- Anna’s mother always compared her to Mary, saying, “Look how tidy Mary is compared to you, Anna!” Despite Anna’s efforts to emulate Mary, she never measured up, and her mother’s criticism only intensified. Anna’s mother never allowed her the chance to improve her habits and learn basic skills. Now at 25 years old, Anna still compares herself to others and always comes up short in her own eyes. Needless to say, this constant comparison has taken a toll on her self-esteem.
2. Paying a child for good grades
This topic remains a subject of debate, but consider this perspective: imagine yourself as a contractor continually paying more for a product or service, with the child as the supplier providing it in exchange for money or rewards. It doesn’t sound like a good idea, does it?
- Alexandra’s parents sought to motivate their daughter to excel in her studies by offering money as an incentive. Initially, Alexandra’s grades improved, suggesting the approach was effective. However, her parents later discovered that she had been fabricating stories about an imaginary illness and sharing them with her teachers. She even falsely claimed that her parents constantly criticized her for poor grades. The sympathetic teacher then raised Alexandra’s grades out of pity. Following this incident, Alexandra’s parents discontinued the practice of paying for grades and sought guidance from a child psychologist.
3. Preventing their child from expressing their feelings
Sometimes, adults dismiss a child’s feelings as wrong — insisting that bruises don’t hurt, feeling anger toward a child who hit them is shameful, or being sad even with a valid reason is incorrect. Parents often do this with good intentions, wanting to teach their children proper behavior. However, it’s crucial to recognize that a fundamental skill for modern individuals is the ability to acknowledge and manage their feelings, emotions, and needs.
- Kate, now 37, vividly remembers how her mother forced her to give away her beloved doll to another girl, admonishing her for being “greedy” and scolding her for getting upset over a “stupid toy.” Kate never got her doll back. Over the years, she has worked hard to assert herself, learning to say “no” to demanding people, including her boss and coworkers. Despite this, Kate often feels guilty whenever she refuses to comply with their requests.
4. Failing to support their child in front of strangers
Every child needs the assurance that their parents will stand up for them in any conflict, regardless of the situation, and won’t blindly trust the words of authority figures like teachers, principals, or neighbors. When parents allow their children to speak up for themselves when they are ready to take responsibility for their actions, it helps them develop healthy self-esteem and a sense of personal accountability.
- Maggy was raised by her grandmother, who often said, “But what will other people think?” Although her grandmother loved Maggy and wanted the best for her, she constantly emphasized the importance of public opinion. As a result, Maggy struggles to make her own decisions and even relies on her friends’ opinions when choosing something as simple as dessert.
5. Drawing inspiration and comparing to successful people
Each generation has its own set of heroes whom young people aspire to emulate. In recent decades, the tales of personal success from wealthy and influential individuals have become widespread. However, it’s not as simple as learning their life story and achieving happiness. If it were that easy, everyone who reads their books would have solved all their financial problems by now.
- Alex developed a passion for computers from a young age. Inspired by the story of Steve Jobs that his dad shared with him, Alex immersed himself in learning everything about Apple. When it came time to choose a university, Alex initially believed he didn’t need higher education because Steve Jobs succeeded without it. Eventually, Alex realized the importance of education for his path and pursued college to advance his career. Now, Alex jokes, “What worked for Steve Jobs is just a waste of time for an ordinary guy like me.”
6. Pressuring their child to decide on their future career
The notion that a person should stick to one career for their entire life is likely outdated and impractical. Many modern occupations didn’t exist a decade ago, while others have already become obsolete.
- Since childhood, Max had a passion for exploring computers and understanding various software programs. Despite his parents’ concerns, he pursued this interest and eventually discovered online courses in software testing. Now, he is thriving in this field, leveraging his potential and skills.
- Laura, at 37, worked as a sociologist for a major consulting firm but found it challenging to maintain her career after having her son. During maternity leave, she rediscovered her love for photography. Starting with unique photos of her child, Laura progressed to offering photoshoots for friends’ and acquaintances’ kids. Over time, she opened her photo studio. Laura now earns as much as her husband and successfully manages her professional life while caring for her family. This shift exemplifies the evolving nature of careers and the importance of embracing new opportunities.
7. Arguing about money
Since children may absorb long-lasting messages from these circumstances, it’s crucial to avoid arguing about money or other matters in front of them. Instead of one-on-one conflicts, which can cause youngsters to take sides and become distressed, talks should be led in a way that promotes involvement.
- Chris grew up witnessing his parents argue about money. When he went to college at 17 and moved away, he struggled with managing his finances and spending on unnecessary items. He now fears starting relationships, believing that money is the root cause of his sadness.
8. Prohibiting the child from using social networks
Social networks have become today’s equivalent of the yards and neighborhoods where we used to play as children. Kids can learn valuable skills through computer programs integrated with social media platforms. While parents should remind their kids about online safety rules, depriving children of this experience can be harsh.
- Aria’s mother was surprised to discover that her 10-year-old daughter had learned to create cool videos. Even more surprising was the realization that Aria had learned this skill from using TikTok. Now, creating short videos has become a family hobby for them.
9. Teaching the kid that they have the stuff at home
Many of us recall times when we asked our parents to buy us things, only to hear, “We already have that at home; we don’t need it.” Some parents repeatedly expose their children to such situations, unintentionally discouraging them from getting what they truly need. This pattern can significantly impact their financial habits as adults. On the other hand, constantly satisfying a child’s every need can also have negative effects.
- Jan’s mother often tells him they have things at home and they don’t buy them from the store. Jan has learned to overlook his needs, and with each subsequent request, he withdraws more, knowing not to ask. When Jan grows up and earns his income, money will go towards trivial things because that’s how he’s learned to live.
10. Preventing children from getting into conflicts
The ability to engage with others is perhaps one of the most crucial professional skills one can possess. It’s important not only to help children make friends but also to teach them how to engage in healthy arguments. People often hold differing opinions, and there are various ways to express emotions. The sooner children grasp this concept, the easier their interactions with others will be, including in professional settings.
- Michaela spent her life avoiding conflicts, preferring to agree with others rather than engage in disputes. She believed that someone always had to be the “smarter” one, but this approach proved more harmful than beneficial. One day, Michaela learned about active listening and decided to apply this approach in her professional life. She excelled at paying attention to others’ perspectives while also expressing her feelings when others attempted to take advantage of her. Initially, people found her communication style unconventional, but conflicts with coworkers became more constructive, leading to mutually beneficial resolutions.
11. Helping their child learn to save money
The world is always changing, and old ways of making or saving money might not work anymore. We can’t predict what skills will be valuable in the future economy. That’s why it’s important to teach kids to be flexible and ready for change, not just to save money.
- Emily’s grandfather saved money his whole life “just in case.” But when that “case” finally happened, a financial meltdown made all his investments lose value. Emily saw this while growing up, and now she’s worried the economy could collapse at any time. She believes the best investment is in her skills and knowledge.
12. Trying to build a strong character with the help of sports
While there’s a widespread belief that sports are beneficial for discipline and character development, excessive competitiveness in professional sports can be detrimental to a child’s physical and mental health. This competitiveness can be fueled by both fellow young athletes and coaches. Only a few individuals become champions, and coaches often prioritize these select few, neglecting the rest of the team. Coping with this unfair treatment at a young age can lead to low self-esteem and confusion about alternative life paths if a child must stop playing sports.
- Tom’s mother pursued rhythmic gymnastics as a child but had to abandon her Olympic dreams due to a leg injury. When Tom was three, his mother enrolled him in gymnastics classes, hoping he would excel. However, Tom struggled in this sport, leading him to lose interest in school, feel like a failure, and struggle to identify his strengths. Now, Tom is studying to become a child psychologist to help parents navigate the challenges of raising children without making the same mistakes.
Being protective of your children is natural, but it’s important to set boundaries. Respecting their privacy is crucial for a healthy parent-child relationship and their personal development. Violating their privacy can have serious negative effects, especially on their mental health.
I Kicked My In-Laws Out of My Daughter’s First Birthday Party After They Crossed the Line
I thought my daughter’s first birthday party would be filled with love, laughter, and cherished memories. Instead, I ended up kicking my in-laws out after they did something unexpected.
You’d think a child’s birthday would bring out the best in everyone, right? Nope. That wasn’t true for my in-laws, James and Diane.
It’s been a year since I became a mom, and while parenting has its challenges, dealing with my husband’s family sometimes feels like the hardest part.
Let me explain everything from the beginning.
A woman thinking while looking outside the window | Source: Midjourney
Becoming a mother was the most transformative experience of my life.
A year ago, I welcomed my daughter, Lily, into the world, and she instantly became my whole universe. I still couldn’t believe how quickly time had flown. One moment, I was cradling a newborn, and now here I was, planning her first birthday party.
Honestly, it wasn’t as easy as it sounds. I’d like to thank Mark, my husband, for being there for me through it all.
A man standing in his house | Source: Midjourney
Whether it was midnight feedings or soothing Lily when she was teething, he was always by my side.
“Can you believe she’s already a year old?” I said one evening while we sat on the couch, going through old photos.
“Time flies, doesn’t it?” Mark replied, smiling as he looked at a picture of Lily in her hospital blanket. “So, what’s the plan for the big day?”
A man looking at his wife | Source: Midjourney
“I was thinking of hosting it at home,” I said. “I want it to be intimate. Umm, just close friends and family. It feels more special that way, don’t you think?”
“I love that idea,” he smiled. “Our house, our rules. Let’s make it memorable for Lily.”
With his support, I got to work.
For weeks, I planned every detail. I wanted it to be a day where everyone felt at home, which was why I also included a note on the invites asking guests to leave their shoes outside.
A woman preparing digital invites | Source: Pexels
To make things easier, I even bought brand-new spa slippers in various sizes for anyone who didn’t want to walk around barefoot.
Most of our friends and family were excited about the party. Everyone, that is, except James and Diane, my in-laws.
The conversation I had with them when I called to invite them still played in my mind.
“A party at home?” James said, his tone dripping with disapproval. “For Lily’s first birthday? Don’t you think something bigger would’ve been more appropriate? Like a restaurant or a park? It’s a milestone, after all.”
A man talking to his daughter-in-law on the phone | Source: Midjourney
“I get that, James,” I replied. “But we wanted to keep it small, with just close family and friends. It feels more personal this way.”
“It just seems… underwhelming,” Diane added, clearly unimpressed.
“Well, we’re excited about it,” I said. “And I hope you can make it.”
“We’ll see,” James replied before abruptly ending the call.
It wasn’t the first time they’d been critical. Over the years, I’d come to expect it.
A woman standing with her arms folded | Source: Midjourney
They were the kind of people who found flaws in everything, and hosting a party at home was apparently no exception.
Still, I tried to stay optimistic. I hoped they’d set their opinions aside and just enjoy the day with us.
Little did I know their visit would leave me with no choice but to take a stand.
I woke up at dawn on the morning of Lily’s birthday and started preparing everything. Mark and I were all set to put up pink and gold balloons and a “Happy Birthday” banner that we’d picked up from the store.
A “Happy Birthday” banner | Source: Pexels
I’d also ordered a custom-made three-tiered cake with sugar flowers and a little crown on top. Everything was perfect.
Mark and I had just finished setting up when the doorbell rang. The first guests had arrived, and soon, the house was filled with chatter, laughter, and the happy squeals of toddlers running around.
Lily, dressed in her tiny pink party dress, was beaming as she crawled from one guest to another, soaking up the attention.
A baby girl in a pink dress | Source: Pexels
Then, just as I was starting my toast to Lily, the front door opened with a bang. It was James and Diane.
And they were an hour late.
“Oh, don’t mind us,” Diane announced loudly, waving as all eyes turned to them. “We’re late because I had to get my hair done. I thought at least one woman should look decent at this party.”
Mark and I exchanged a look, but I plastered on a smile and continued my toast, trying to ignore the interruption.
As soon as I finished, Diane called out, “Well, I hope the cake tastes better than it looks.”
A woman standing in her stepson’s house | Source: Midjourney
What the heck? I thought. How dare she?
Then I told myself it wasn’t worth ruining the day over a comment. I just ignored her comment, unaware that this was the point where things would start to go downhill.
First, Diane handed me a gift bag. Inside were secondhand baby clothes that looked like they’d been picked up at a yard sale. They were visibly dirty, the tags were gone, and they had a faint mildew smell.
“Babies don’t care what they wear,” Diane said with a smile. “No need to waste money on fancy stuff.”
A woman talking to her daughter-in-law | Source: Midjourney
Unbelievable, I thought. But I managed to stammer out a “Thank you.”
I told myself maybe they were struggling financially. Maybe they didn’t have enough money to buy new clothes.
But then came the moment that pushed me over the edge.
As I mingled with the guests, I noticed muddy footprints trailing across my tile floor. I turned to see James and Diane, still wearing dirty shoes, stomping through the living room.
My heart sank as I saw the mess they’d made on the rugs where Lily had been crawling just minutes earlier.
A dirty rug | Source: Midjourney
Taking a deep breath, I approached Diane.
“Hi, Diane. Could I ask you to take off your shoes or put on the slippers? We’ve been asking everyone to do it to keep the floors clean for the kids.”
Diane barely glanced at me. “Oh, please. Our shoes are clean. And anyway, that’s an Asian thing, isn’t it? White people don’t do that.”
“Actually, it’s just a house rule for us,” I said, trying to stay calm. “My daughter crawls on these floors, and I’d like to keep them clean.”
A woman talking to her in-laws | Source: Midjourney
James, who’d been eavesdropping, chuckled. “That dirt is from your own front yard! Maybe you should clean the porch better if you don’t want dirt inside.”
My patience was wearing thin, but I took another deep breath and tried again, this time addressing them both.
“Look, I’m not asking for much. It’s a simple request to take off your shoes or wear the slippers I’ve provided. Everyone else has done it without issue. Why can’t you?”
An upset woman talking to her father-in-law | Source: Midjourney
Diane rolled her eyes, crossing her arms. “Because it’s ridiculous, that’s why. It’s just dirt! You’re acting like it’s the end of the world. Honestly, Anna, you’re ruining the party with all your nitpicking.”
That’s when Mark stepped in. He knew his parents were being unreasonable again.
“Dad, Diane, we’re asking this out of respect for our home,” he explained. “It’s not just about dirt. It’s about setting an example for Lily. If everyone else can follow the rules, so can you.”
A man looking straight ahead | Source: Midjourney
James smirked, leaning back as if he owned the place. “This is why people say you two are impossible. Especially your wife, Mark. Always making a fuss over nothing.”
That was the breaking point. The hurt and anger I’d been holding back finally spilled over.
“If respecting our home and my daughter’s birthday makes me impossible, so be it!” I yelled. “But I won’t stand here and let you ruin this day for her or for us. If you can’t follow a simple rule, you’re not welcome here.”
A woman yelling in her house | Source: Midjourney
Diane looked at me with wide eyes. “So, you’re kicking us out? Over shoes?”
“Yes,” I said firmly. “This is our home, and these are our rules. If you can’t respect them, you need to leave.”
They sputtered protests, but I wasn’t backing down. I walked to the front door, opened it, and gestured for them to leave. “Out. Now.”
For a moment, they stood frozen, shocked that I’d actually stood my ground. Then Diane grabbed her purse with an indignant huff.
“This is ridiculous. Mark,” she said. “I hope you realize what kind of wife you’ve married.”
A woman looking at her stepson | Source: Midjourney
Mark, to his credit, didn’t flinch. “I do, and I couldn’t be prouder of her. Please go.”
With one last glare, they stormed out, slamming the door behind them. Everyone was quiet for a moment as they thought of what to say. Then, Mark stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me.
“You did the right thing,” he whispered.
The party continued, and without James and Diane’s toxic presence, the atmosphere became lighter and more joyful.
But wait… This isn’t where the story ends.
Balloons on a wall | Source: Pexels
The next day, James called Mark, furious about being “humiliated” in front of everyone. But Mark stood his ground and calmly explained why we’d asked them to leave.
When James realized he wouldn’t get an apology, he hung up in anger.
A week later, karma came knocking.
A mutual friend informed me that Diane had posted on social media about her salon trip and the party, only to have people drag her for wearing muddy shoes into a house with kids. She’d even earned the nickname “Dirty Diane.”
I couldn’t stop laughing after learning that. Dirty Diane? Haha! That’s something Diane will never forget!
A woman smiling | Source: Midjourney
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