Get ready to ho-ho-howl with laughter! These 10 Christmas jokes are packed with holiday cheer and cheeky humor to keep your spirits bright. Whether you need a quick laugh or a joke to share at the holiday table, these festive funnies will surely bring everyone joy!
Ah, Christmas! The time of year when everything sparkles, people get a little more generous, and we all pretend fruitcake is something we look forward to eating.
A woman sitting at a table with a plate of fruitcake | Source: Pexels
The holiday season is full of cheer, and it’s also a great time for laughter. Whether you’re cozy by the fireplace or stuck at a family gathering looking for a way to break the ice, these jokes are sure to bring a smile.
So grab your hot cocoa, settle in, and get ready to chuckle with these festive funnies!
A Christmas Test at Heaven’s Gates
Three men find themselves at the pearly gates of heaven on Christmas Eve. Saint Peter meets them with a stern look and a challenge.
St. Peter standing at heaven’s gates | Source: Midjourney
“To get into heaven tonight, you each need to show me something that represents Christmas.”
The first man digs into his pockets, pulls out a match, and lights it. “This is a Christmas candle,” he says with a hopeful smile.
“Impressive,” Saint Peter says and waves him through.
A man holding a lit match | Source: Pexels
The second man reaches into his jacket and jangles a set of keys. “These are Christmas bells,” he grins.
Saint Peter nods, letting him pass.
Then, the third man steps up, pulling out a pair of red panties.
Puzzled, Saint Peter asks, “And what on earth do these have to do with Christmas?”
Women’s underwear | Source: Unsplash
The man smirks, “They’re Carol’s.”
If that joke didn’t light your Christmas candle, this next one might leave you laughing all the way to New Year’s Day. It’s a story of holiday hangovers, memory lapses, and a husband waking up to a Christmas surprise he definitely wasn’t expecting.
The Hungover Husband’s Christmas Surprise
Paul wakes up groggy and disoriented after his company’s Christmas party. He can barely remember how he got home, and his pounding headache isn’t helping.
A man sitting on the side of the bed | Source: Pexels
As he pries his eyes open, he notices a glass of water, two aspirin, and a single red rose on his nightstand. His clothes are neatly folded, and the room is spotless. In the bathroom, he notices he has a black eye, and his wife has left him a note on the mirror.
“Darling, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to pick up groceries for your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!”
In the kitchen, a full breakfast is waiting, and his son is already at the table.
A boy eating breakfast | Source: Midjourney
Paul asks his son, “What happened last night?”
“Well, you got home super late, totally drunk, and made a mess. You tripped over the coffee table, broke it, and smashed into the door, giving yourself that black eye.”
Confused, Paul stammers, “Then why is everything so perfect this morning?”
A confused man | Source: Midjourney
His son shrugs, “Oh, that’s easy. When Mum tried to take off your pants, you yelled, ‘Leave me alone! I’m married!’”
Let’s keep it going with a military twist on Christmas wishes. Sometimes, what you ask for isn’t exactly what you get, especially when you’re stationed away from home. This one’s for anyone who knows the struggles of life in uniform during the holidays.
The Soldier’s Christmas Wish
Two soldiers are in the mess hall chatting about past Christmas memories.
Two soldiers chatting | Source: Midjourney
“I’ll never forget that one Christmas,” the first soldier says. “I spent an entire week peeling potatoes.”
“What happened?” his friend asks.
“Well, the sergeant asked what I wanted for Christmas,” he recalls.
“And what did you ask for?”
A soldier | Source: Pexels
“A new sergeant,” the first soldier replies.
Ready for a joke that’s heaven-sent? This next story features a monk who spent years copying ancient texts, only to uncover a little mistake that could change everything. It’s a reminder that even the holiest of tasks can come with a hilarious twist!
The Monastic Misprint
A monk named David had spent years copying ancient religious texts by hand. He worked hard at his job and dedicated himself to upholding his vows to be obedient and celibate and free himself from the desire for possessions.
A devout monk working on religious texts | Source: Midjourney
One day, shortly before Christmas, the head abbot entrusted David with the task of verifying the original manuscripts had been copied and translated precisely, word-for-word.
On Christmas day, David was nowhere to be found. Eventually, the head abbot located him in the archives, crying uncontrollably.
“Brother David, what’s wrong?” the abbot asked.
“All this time… we’ve been copying it wrong,” David sobbed.
“Copying what wrong?” the abbot pressed.
A monk and an abbot looking at religious texts | Source: Midjourney
“The word wasn’t ‘celibate’… it was ‘celebrate’!”
If you thought that last one was divine, the next joke shows us that sometimes family drama isn’t what it appears to be.
The Holiday Season Break-up
The day before Christmas, a father in Brisbane calls his son in Sydney.
“Sorry to ruin your holiday,” the dad says, “but your mother and I are divorcing. I just can’t take it anymore.”
A man making a phone call | Source: Midjourney
Shocked, the son yells, “What? No, don’t do anything until I get there! I’m calling my sister.”
Moments later, the daughter phones her dad, furious. “You are NOT getting divorced! My brother and I will be there tomorrow. Don’t do a single thing!”
The father hangs up and turns to his wife.
A solemn man glancing to one side | Source: Midjourney
He grins widely and tells her, “Well, that’s our Christmas plans sorted. The kids are on their way and they’re paying for their own travel expenses!”
Let’s keep the laughs rolling with a little tale about early Christmas shopping. You know that feeling when you’re just a bit too eager to grab your gifts? Well, this next joke proves that timing is everything — even when it comes to snagging those holiday deals earlier than expected.
The Early Christmas Shopper
A man stands trial during the Christmas season. The judge asks the defendant, “Mr. Jones, what exactly are you accused of doing?”
A judge in a courtroom | Source: Midjourney
“Your honor, I was just doing my Christmas shopping early,” the man says innocently.
“There’s nothing illegal about that,” the judge replies. “What time did you start?”
“Before the store opened.”
A somber man | Source: Midjourney
Time for a trip to the airport, where holiday cheer meets travel stress in the best way possible. Even if you’re not a fan of mistletoe, this next joke might make you look twice before checking in your bags this Christmas season.
Airport Mistletoe Mishap
Dave wasn’t feeling the holiday spirit as he waited at the airport just before Christmas. He noticed some mistletoe hanging above the luggage scale.
Mistletoe at the airport | Source: Midjourney
Annoyed, he told the airline attendant, “Even if we were dating, I wouldn’t kiss you under such tacky mistletoe.”
The attendant smirked, “Sir, that mistletoe isn’t for you to kiss me. It’s there so you can kiss your luggage goodbye.”
Hold onto your Santa hats because this next joke features a kid with a very “creative” approach to getting his Christmas wishes granted.
Man talking to airline attendant at the luggage area | Source: Midjourney
When it comes to writing letters to Santa (or Jesus), this boy takes negotiation tactics to a whole new level.
The Kid’s Christmas Bargain
A little boy starts writing his Christmas letter to Santa, but his mom interrupts him.
“You’ve been so naughty this year,” she scolds. “You’d better write that letter to Jesus instead.”
A child sitting at a table | Source: Midjourney
He thinks for a moment, then begins writing to Jesus, but quickly realizes he can’t lie about being good. Frustrated, he goes for a walk to clear his mind and spots a nativity scene.
Suddenly, he snatches the statue of Mary.
Returning home, he starts his new letter: “Dear Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again…”
From a mischievous kid to a quick-witted teen, our next joke shows that sometimes biblical excuses can go hilariously wrong.
A Christmas nativity scene | Source: Pexels
It’s a classic case of trying to outsmart a parent — only to learn an unexpected lesson.
Long Hair, Don’t Care
After acing his exams and diligently studying the Bible, Danny asks his clergyman father if he can get a car for Christmas.
“You’ve done great with your studies,” his father says. “But I’m disappointed you haven’t cut your hair.”
A teen boy | Source: Midjourney
Danny smiles. “Dad, in the Bible, I noticed that Jesus, Moses, and Samson all had long hair.”
His father nods, “Yes, but did you also notice they walked everywhere?”
And now, let’s end on a high note with a husband who’s in for a surprise of his own while Christmas shopping.
A mall decorated for Christmas | Source: Pexels
Just when he thinks he’s found a sentimental moment, he gets a reality check guaranteed to leave you laughing out loud.
The Husband’s Christmas Misunderstanding
A couple is shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve when the husband realizes he’s lost his wife. Frantic, he calls her.
“Honey,” she says calmly, “do you remember the jewelry store where you saw that expensive watch you loved five years ago? The one I said I’d get you one day?”
A man speaking on his cell phone | Source: Midjourney
His eyes well up. “Yes, I remember.”
“Well,” she replies, “I’m in the lingerie store next to it.”
And there you have it — a sleigh of laughs to brighten your holiday season! Whether you share these jokes at a family dinner or use them to lighten the mood at a holiday party, they’re sure to spread some Christmas cheer.
People at a Christmas party | Source: Midjourney
After all, the best gifts are the ones that bring a smile. So go ahead, share the laughter, and enjoy a merry, jolly, joke-filled Christmas!
For many people, Christmas is a time for family, so keep the laughs coming with these jokes about family life.
I Asked a Friend to Repair My Husband’s Phone — What He Found Inside Made My Blood Boil
When Denise’s husband tells her his phone is broken, she takes it to an old college buddy for repairs. But when she picks up the phone later, her friend shows her a note inside that proves her husband is hiding a dark secret.
I never would’ve imagined that a lost pair of earbuds would lead me to the most devastating discovery of my life.
There I was, dressed and ready for my morning jog when I realized I must’ve lost my earbuds in the Uber that brought my husband, Andrew, and me home the previous evening. I rushed into the kitchen, where Andy was making coffee.
“Babe, give me your phone, please?” I held out my hand. “I need to look at your call history.”
A man with a guilty expression | Source: Pexels
Andrew went pale as a sheet. “No, you can’t,” he replied quickly.
Now, I’m not going to claim Andy and I have a perfect marriage. We argue and sometimes get on each other’s nerves, but that’s normal, right? On this occasion, something about his response raised a red flag.
“Why not?” I asked.
“It’s… dead.” He looked away as he replied, stirring his coffee like it was the most important thing in the world. “I, uh, dropped it this morning.”
A woman staring forward | Source: Pexels
It was so obvious he was lying that I was speechless for a minute. I didn’t understand what was going on. Then I started thinking about all the times he’d come home late recently.
I also noticed strange appointments in his calendar when I double-checked the date for his parents’ upcoming anniversary celebration. It seemed so obvious in hindsight: Andrew was hiding something from me.
“Where is it now?” I asked. “I can drop it off to get repaired on my way to work, if you like?”
A tense couple | Source: Pexels
Andrew hesitantly went into the bedroom to fetch his phone. It seemed to take ages, but finally, he handed me his phone.
It was indeed dead, the screen as black as night. I tried turning it on while I was on the subway, but it seemed Andrew had been telling the truth.
I should’ve been relieved, but my suspicions from earlier still nagged at me as I entered the repair shop. My old college buddy, Mike, owned the place. He greeted me warmly as I approached the counter.
A woman speaks to a shop assistant | Source: Pexels
“Hey, Mike. Can you take a look at this?” I set the phone down in front of him.
Mike took the phone and turned it over in his hands. “Sure thing, Denise, I’ll let you know what I find.”
The day dragged on at work, my mind a whirl of worries. By the time I got off, there was a message from Mike waiting for me.
“Hey, can you come by the shop? There’s something you need to see.”
Woman walking on the street while speaking on her phone | Source: Pexels
My stomach churned as I walked into Mike’s shop. He looked up from the counter, a serious expression on his face.
“Let’s go to the back,” Mike said.
My heart pounded as I followed him to a small room. Mike closed the door behind us, then handed me Andrew’s phone, now powered on and functional. But there was more.
“I found this inside the phone,” he said, passing me a small folded note.
With trembling hands, I unfolded the paper.
A woman holding a notepad | Source: Pexels
Scrawled in Andrew’s handwriting, it read: “Please don’t fix this phone, say it’s beyond repair. Email me, I will send you money for it. Thanks!”
I felt like the ground had fallen away beneath me. “What the heck?” I muttered, “Why would he…”
I looked at Mike, but he raised his hands. “I didn’t email him, and I didn’t look at any personal stuff on the device either.” He let out a sigh and looked sadly at me. “But he obviously has something to hide.”
An earnest man | Source: Pexels
I know he meant to be kind, but his words felt like a slap in the face.
I thanked Mike, paid him, and left in a hurry. Once I was seated on the train home, I pulled out Andrew’s phone. He’d gone to such lengths to keep me from seeing his call history, but why?
My hands clenched into fists as the most obvious answer sprang to mind: Andrew was cheating on me.
An angry woman | Source: Pexels
So, I was all fired up as I started scrolling through phone numbers. My imagination was already filling up with various ways to get revenge on him, so what I found caught me completely off guard.
Most calls were to a number labeled “Dr. Whitman,” and several others marked “Hospital.”
“What the heck…” I muttered, clicking on the messages next. They were filled with appointment confirmations, test results, and reminders for follow-ups.
My mind raced, trying to piece together what this could mean.
A woman scrolling on a smart phone | Source: Pexels
Was Andrew sick? I tapped into his photo gallery, and my worst fears were confirmed. Scans, x-rays, and medical documents filled the screen. Each image painted a grim picture of a long, hidden battle with illness.
Andrew wasn’t cheating; he was sick, and he’d kept it from me all this time. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I quickly wiped them away.
The rest of the subway ride felt like an eternity. My mind replayed every moment from the past few months, every late night, every strange appointment.
A crying woman | Source: Pexels
Feelings of anger, sorrow, and guilt cycled through me. Why hadn’t he told me? How could he go through this alone?
I took a deep breath as I approached our home, feeling the weight of Andrew’s secret pressing down on my chest. Fresh tears stung at my eyes, but I clenched my jaw and kept moving.
When I finally walked through the front door, Andrew was sitting on the couch, flipping through a magazine. He looked up, and his face fell when he saw the phone in my hand.
Man sitting on a sofa | Source: Pexels
“You got it fixed?” he asked, his voice trembling slightly.
I nodded. “Andrew, we need to talk.”
He looked away, the dread evident in his posture. I sat beside him, taking his hand in mine. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I whispered, my voice breaking.
Andrew sighed, tears forming in his own eyes. “I didn’t want you to worry. I wanted to protect you, to keep our life normal for as long as possible.”
Couple seated on a sofa | Source: Pexels
“Protect me?” I echoed, my voice rising. “How could you think this would protect me? Finding out like this feels like a betrayal.”
“I’m sorry, Denise,” he said, his voice cracking. “I thought I could handle it on my own. I didn’t want to burden you with my problems.”
“We’re supposed to share our lives, Andrew,” I snapped. “The good and the bad. How could you think this isn’t my problem too?”
He hung his head, silent tears streaming down his face.
Sad and serious man | Source: Pexels
“I know I should have told you,” he whispered. “But I was so scared. I didn’t want you to see me as… broken.”
My heart ached as I watched Andrew hang his head and turn away. I closed the gap between us, placing my arms around him as I tried to make sense of it all.
“Andrew, I love you,” I said. “Nothing will ever change that. But I need you to trust me. We’re in this together, remember?”
Close up of a woman with tear-filled eyes | Source: Pexels
He nodded, squeezing my hand tightly. “I’m so sorry, Denise. I promise, no more secrets.”
I held him tight as I felt his body shake with sobs. “We’ll get through this,” I whispered. “Together. But I need you to tell me what the doctors found.”
Andrew let out a shaky breath. He wiped his tears as he turned to face me and said two words that changed my life forever.
Couple seated on a sofa having a conversation | Source: Pexels
“Lung cancer.” Andrew’s lower lip quivered as he attempted a brave smile. “It’s under control for now, but it’s not good, Denise.”
For a long while, we just sat there, holding each other. The weight of his secret was still heavy, but sharing it made it a little easier to bear. We talked late into the night about his diagnosis, his fears, and what we needed to do next.
It was going to be a long road, but at least we’d be walking it together.
A couple hugging | Source: Pexels
The next morning, we made an appointment with Dr. Whitman. As we sat in the waiting room, Andrew reached for my hand.
“Thank you for not giving up on me,” he said softly.
I looked into his eyes, seeing the vulnerability and strength there. “We’re a team, remember? I’m not going anywhere.”
Couple holding hands | Source: Pexels
He smiled, a real smile this time, and I couldn’t help but smile back. Despite all the drama and heartache, I knew then that no matter what happened next, we’d be okay.
Leave a Reply