I was stunned when my husband, Jake, handed me a schedule to help me “become a better wife.” But instead of blowing up, I played along. Little did Jake know, I was about to teach him a lesson that would make him rethink his newfound approach to marriage.
I’ve always prided myself on being the level-headed one in our marriage. Jake, bless his heart, could get swept up in things pretty easily, whether it was a new hobby, or some random YouTube video that promised to change his life in three easy steps.
But we were solid until Jake met Steve. Steve was the type of guy who thought being loudly opinionated made him right, the type that talks right over you when you try to correct him.
He was also a perpetually single guy (who could have guessed?), who graciously dispensed relationship advice to all his married colleagues, Jake included. Jake should’ve known better, but my darling husband was positively smitten with Steve’s confidence.
I didn’t think much of it until Jake started making some noxious comments.
“Steve says relationships work best when the wife takes charge of the household,” he’d say. Or “Steve thinks it’s important for women to look good for their husbands, no matter how long they’ve been married.”
I’d roll my eyes and reply with some sarcastic remark, but it was getting under my skin. Jake was changing. He’d arch his eyebrows if I ordered takeout instead of cooking, and sigh when I let the laundry pile up because, God forbid, I had my own full-time job.
And then it happened. One night, he came home with The List.
He sat me down at the kitchen table, unfolded a piece of paper, and slid it across to me.
“I’ve been thinking,” he started, his voice dripping with a condescending tone I hadn’t heard from him before. “You’re a great wife, Lisa. But there’s room for improvement.”
My eyebrows shot up. “Oh really?”
He nodded, oblivious to the danger zone he was entering. “Yeah. Steve helped me realize that our marriage could be even better if you, you know, stepped up a bit.”
I stared at the paper in front of me. It was a schedule… and he’d written “Lisa’s Weekly Routine for Becoming a Better Wife” at the top in bold.
This guy had actually sat down and mapped out my entire week based on what Steve — a single guy with zero relationship experience — thought I should do to “improve” myself as a wife.
I was supposed to wake up at 5 a.m. every day to make Jake a gourmet breakfast. Then I’d hit the gym for an hour to “stay in shape.”
After that? A delightful lineup of chores: cleaning, laundry, ironing. And that was all before I left for work. I was supposed to cook a meal from scratch every evening and make fancy snacks for Jake and his friends when they came over to hang out at our place.
The whole thing was sexist and insulting on so many levels I didn’t even know where to start. I ended up staring at him, wondering if my husband had lost his mind.
“This will be great for you, and us,” he continued, oblivious.
“Steve says it’s important to maintain structure, and I think you could benefit from —”
“I could benefit from what?” I interrupted, my voice dangerously calm. Jake blinked, caught off guard by the interruption, but he recovered quickly.
“Well, you know, from having some guidance and a schedule.”
I wanted to throw that paper in his face and ask him if he’d developed a death wish. Instead, I did something that surprised even me: I smiled.
“You’re right, Jake,” I said sweetly. “I’m so lucky that you made me this schedule. I’ll start tomorrow.”
The relief on his face was instant. I almost felt sorry for him as I got up and stuck the list on the fridge. Almost. He had no idea what was coming.
The next day, I couldn’t help but smirk as I studied the ridiculous schedule again. If Jake thought he could hand me a list of “improvements,” then he was about to find out just how much structure our life could really handle.
I pulled out my laptop, opened up a fresh document, and titled it, “Jake’s Plan for Becoming the Best Husband Ever.” He wanted a perfect wife? Fine. But there was a cost to perfection.
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I began by listing all the things he had suggested for me, starting with the gym membership he was so keen on. It was laughable, really.
“$1,200 for a personal trainer.” I typed, barely containing my giggle.
Next came the food. If Jake wanted to eat like a king, that wasn’t happening on our current grocery budget. Organic, non-GMO, free-range everything? That stuff didn’t come cheap.
“$700 per month for groceries,” I wrote. He’d probably need to chip in for a cooking class too. Those were pricey, but hey, perfection wasn’t free.
I leaned back in my chair, laughing to myself as I imagined Jake’s face when he saw this. But I wasn’t done. Oh no, the pièce de résistance was still to come.
See, there was no way I could juggle all these expectations while holding down my job. If Jake wanted me to dedicate myself full-time to his absurd routine, then he’d have to compensate for the loss of my income.
I pulled up a calculator, estimating the value of my salary. Then, I added it to the list, complete with a little note: “$75,000 per year to replace Lisa’s salary since she will now be your full-time personal assistant, maid, and chef.”
My stomach hurt from laughing at this point.
And just for good measure, I threw in a suggestion about him needing to expand the house. After all, if he was going to have his friends over regularly, they’d need a dedicated space that wouldn’t intrude on my newly organized, impossibly structured life.
“$50,000 to build a separate ‘man cave’ so Jake and his friends don’t disrupt Lisa’s schedule.”
By the time I was done, the list was a masterpiece. A financial and logistical nightmare, sure, but a masterpiece nonetheless. It wasn’t just a counterattack — it was a wake-up call.
I printed it out, set it neatly on the kitchen counter, and waited for Jake to come home. When he finally walked through the door that evening, he was in a good mood.
“Hey, babe,” he called out, dropping his keys on the counter. He spotted the paper almost immediately. “What’s this?”
I kept my face neutral, fighting the urge to laugh as I watched him pick it up. “Oh, it’s just a little list I put together for you,” I said sweetly, “to help you become the best husband ever.”
Jake chuckled, thinking I was playing along with his little game. But as he scanned the first few lines, the grin started to fade. I could see the wheels turning in his head, the slow realization that this wasn’t the lighthearted joke he thought it was.
“Wait… what is all this?” He squinted at the numbers, his eyes widening as he saw the total costs. “$1,200 for a personal trainer? $700 a month for groceries? What the hell, Lisa?”
I leaned against the kitchen island, crossing my arms.
“Well, you want me to wake up at 5 a.m., hit the gym, make gourmet breakfasts, clean the house, cook dinner, and host your friends. I figured we should budget for all of that, don’t you think?”
His face turned pale as he flipped through the pages. “$75,000 a year? You’re quitting your job?!”
I shrugged. “How else am I supposed to follow your plan? I can’t work and be the perfect wife, right?”
He stared at the paper, dumbfounded.
The numbers, the absurdity of his own demands, it all hit him at once. His smugness evaporated, replaced by a dawning realization that he had seriously, seriously messed up.
“I… I didn’t mean…” Jake stammered, looking at me with wide eyes. “Lisa, I didn’t mean for it to be like this. I just thought —”
“You thought what? That I could ‘improve’ myself like some project?” My voice was calm, but the hurt behind it was real. “Jake, marriage isn’t about lists or routines. It’s about respect. And if you ever try to ‘fix’ me like this again, you’ll be paying a hell of a lot more than what’s on that paper.”
Silence hung in the air, thick and uncomfortable. Jake’s face softened, his shoulders slumping as he let out a deep sigh.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t realize how ridiculous it was. Steve made it sound sensible, but now I see it’s… it’s toxic. Oh God, I’ve been such a fool.”
I nodded, watching him carefully. “Yes, you have. Honestly, have you looked at Steve’s life? What makes you think he has the life experience to give you advice about marriage? Or anything else?”
The look on his face as my words hit home was priceless.
“You’re right. And he could never afford to live like this.” He slapped the list with the back of his hand. “He… he has no idea about the costs involved, or how demeaning this is. Oh, Lisa, I got carried away again, didn’t I?”
“Yes, but we’ll recover. Now, let’s tear that paper up and go back to being equals.”
He smiled weakly, the tension breaking just a little. “Yeah… let’s do that.”
We ripped up the list together, and for the first time in weeks, I felt like we were back on the same team.
Maybe this was what we needed, a reminder that marriage isn’t about one person being “better” than the other. It’s about being better together.
11 Harmful Things Parents Do to Their Kids Without Realizing It
In the United States alone, a child is injured from falling from a high chair every hour. Parents might be overprotective with their kids when it comes to playing outside the house, but hidden dangers can be also found in seemingly safe places for kids like playgrounds or even at home.
Bright Side gathered a list of all those things that might look safe, but in reality, can be potential dangers for your child. Keeping in mind that our treasured toddlers need our 24/7 supervision, this list will give you a heads up on what other things you need to beware of in order to protect your little ones.
1. Letting them play dangerous sports
There are numerous advantages for kids who are practicing sports, but there is also a specific list of high-impact sports that can be potentially dangerous for them. The “big 6” to avoid, as forensic pathologist Dr. Bennet Omalu advises, are American football, ice hockey, mixed martial arts, boxing, wrestling, and rugby. During these sports, a child receives multiple blows to the head, which have the risk of exposure to brain damage, according to neuroscientists.
Also, high-impact activities can cause significant compression of the spine and hyperextension of the back that can lead to serious injuries. The repeated engagement in these sports can aggravate scoliosis over time. Squatting, lifting weight over the head, hard landings like in cheerleading, and long-distance running should be avoided.
2. Letting them sit in a W position
The W position is a really common way kids choose to sit when playing on the floor especially because it’s comfortable for them. However, it is probably the most dangerous position for children to adopt and doctors advise parents to discourage their kiddos from sitting like this.
Moreover, osteopath Avni Trivedi stated during an interview that this position has become “a new health epidemic” that can highly impact a child’s development in their leg joints and hip bones, weaken their trunk muscles, and place extra pressure on their back, neck, and shoulders.
3. Giving them tablets (especially toddlers)
Kiddos spend more and more time in front of screens, especially their favorite new toy, the tablet. Doctors warn parents to reduce “screen time” as much possible because of the blue light, a portion of harmful light that these screens emit.
Common symptoms of overexposure to blue light are headaches, neck and shoulder pain, dry or irritated eyes, but also psychological ones like reduced attention span, poor behavior, and irritability. It can also affect their sleep and wake cycle, making them feel tired and exhausted.
4. Letting them go down the slide on your lap
Most parents think that when they are on the playground with their kiddos, it’s safer to go down the slide with their child on their lap. Actually, this is an extremely hidden playground danger that can cause leg fractures in children.
As pediatrician Dr. Diane Arnaout explains, the parent’s weight pushes everything downward at a higher speed, so in the case that any part of the kid’s shoe or arm sticks out of the slide, the leg or arm could twist and break.
5. Playing the Chubby Bunny game with your kids
Chubby Bunny is a very popular challenge kids usually do with their parents, where they have to place an increasing number of marshmallows in their mouth while stating the phrase “chubby bunny” as clear as possible.
Even though kids might find it extra fun and tasty, since they get to consume their favorite dessert after the game is over, this is a dangerous challenge and several incidents of chocking have occurred.
6. Standing on chairs
This is one of the most common reasons for children’s injuries, especially among toddlers. Kids are unstoppable, and they usually want to climb everything, including chairs. Falling from high chairs, in particular, is the main cause of head trauma and concussions.
Specialists advise parents to strap their kids into meal chairs, not allowing them to stand up, and also to always supervise them because there is always a possibility for the child to kick off from the table and knock over their chair.
7. Playing in the dirt
Kids love to get all dirty playing outdoors. What needs to be considered carefully though is where they play, because digging and playing with dirt can be extremely harmful to children. The main cause is lead and it’s dangerous effects on our health.
Even though lead paint in houses has been banned, there are still places with peeling lead paint like barns, garages, and old housing. Children might be exposed to that from bare soil since lead has been found in yards that were near those places. Lead itself is a poisonous metal that can cause brain damage and life-long problems.
8. Jumping on trampolines
Many parents have installed trampolines, both big and small, in their yards and their kids adore them. This seemingly funny and innocent jumping apparatus can be seriously harmful to children.
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics’ instructions, trampolines shouldn’t be in any home with kiddos. This is because injuries caused by jumping on them happen really often and include broken bones, head injuries, like concussions, and harsher trauma that can lead to permanent brain damage and even death.
9. Mowing the loan with them
Both pushing and riding lawnmowers are heavy and extremely dangerous machines and can easily harm a young child who will probably want to come closer and see how it works. From cases involving kids falling from dad’s lap and getting injured to kids getting trapped under the heavy machinery to having eye injuries from the cut grass, this is not something you want your kid around.
According to HealthyChildren.org, in the United States alone “more than 9,000 children go to the emergency room for lawn mower-related injuries every year.” Children should stay inside the house as a precaution and be sure that neighborhood children aren’t around either.
10. Climbing on outside equipment
Playgrounds are children’s and parents’ favorite destination, however, continuous supervision is needed in order for kids to return safely home.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, more than 200,000 cases of children injured on the playground, some of which are fatal, end up in the ER every year in the USA alone. Most of them are caused by climbing. Even though it looks fun and athletic, climbing is one of the most common causes of falls and serious injuries.
11. Riding a bike without a helmet
It’s no surprise that cycling is one of the kids’ favorite activities since it gives them a sense of independence, freedom, and fun — exactly what they want. However, riding a bike can be dangerous when riding irresponsibly, especially for kiddos.
What applies to adults, of course, applies to children too. Wearing a helmet is the number one safety rule since it protects the head in case of a fall. Wearing one can prevent brain injuries and severe trauma. It is also important to never let your kid ride unsupervised. Cycling can be a great family activity, so be a good example and ride along with them with your helmet on.
We hope that this selection of potential dangers will help you and your kids enjoy a safer daily life. Are you an overprotective parent? What was the most dangerous adventure you got into as a kid? Tell us your stories in the comments.
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