Marriage has its ups and downs, but there’s always space for laughter. The daily moments between husbands and wives can be heartwarming and funny, as shown in these jokes.
From surprising notes to clever replies, these seven jokes showcase the playful side of marriage. Whether you’re married or just enjoy a good laugh, these stories will make you nod in agreement and chuckle at their unexpected turns.
1 The Note Under the Bed
In any marriage, there can be moments of frustration, especially when one spouse feels unappreciated. This joke takes that idea to the extreme when a wife tries to teach her husband a lesson with a note, only to be shocked by his reaction.
A woman, upset that her husband was late coming home again, left a note saying, “I’ve had enough and left you. Don’t bother looking for me.” She then hid under the bed to see how he would react.
After a short time, the husband came home. She could hear him in the kitchen and saw him go to the dresser to pick up the note. After a few minutes, he wrote something on it and called someone.
“She’s finally gone… Yes, I know, about time, right? I’m coming to see you. Put on that sexy nightie. I love you… Can’t wait to see you… We’ll do all the fun things you like.”
He hung up, grabbed his keys, and left. When she came out from under the bed, furious and in tears, she grabbed the note to see what he wrote…
“I can see your feet. We’re out of bread. Be back in five minutes.”
2 The Pharmacist’s Explanation
Sometimes, simple misunderstandings can blow up, leading to confrontations. This joke humorously shows how quickly a situation can escalate when assumptions are made, only for the truth to make everyone laugh.
When a husband came home, he found his wife crying. She said, “The pharmacist insulted me on the phone this morning!”
Angry, the husband drove to the pharmacy to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology. But before he could speak, the pharmacist said, “Wait, let me explain. This morning, my alarm didn’t go off, and I woke up late.”
“I skipped breakfast and rushed to the car, only to realize I locked my house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then I drove too fast and got a speeding ticket. While driving to work, I had a flat tire. By the time I opened the pharmacy, there was already a line. And the phone wouldn’t stop ringing.”
He added, “I had to break a roll of coins to make change, but they spilled everywhere. When I stood up, I hit my head on the cash drawer, and all the perfume bottles fell and broke. Then the phone rang, and it was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer, and all I did was tell her.”
3 The Family Secret
Family secrets can be surprising and funny. In this joke, a young man is excited about his upcoming marriage until his father reveals some shocking news, leading to a hilarious twist.
One Sunday morning, George rushed into the living room and shouted, “Dad! Mom! I have great news! I’m marrying the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away, and her name is Susan.”
Later, George’s dad pulled him aside and said, “Son, we need to talk. Look at your mom. We’ve been married for 30 years. She’s a great wife and mom, but she’s not very exciting. I used to cheat on her, and Susan is your half-sister, so you can’t marry her.”
George was heartbroken. After eight months, he started dating again. A year later, he proudly said, “Diane said yes! We’re getting married in June.”
Again, his father pulled him aside to share more bad news. “Diane is your half-sister too, George. I’m sorry.”
George was furious! He went to his mother with what his father said. “Dad is ruining my life. I guess I’ll never get married. Every time I like a girl, Dad says she’s my half-sister.”
His mother laughed and said, “Don’t listen to him. He’s not really your father.”
4 The Fried Eggs Incident
Everyday tasks like cooking breakfast can lead to funny arguments between spouses. This joke turns a simple breakfast into a humorous look at how we all sometimes feel the need to give advice, especially when the roles are reversed.
A wife was making fried eggs for breakfast when her husband burst into the kitchen.
“Careful!” he said. “Put in more butter! You’re cooking too many at once! Turn them! We need more butter! Oh no, they’re going to stick! Be careful! You never listen to me when you cook! Hurry! Don’t forget to salt them!”
The wife stared at him. “What’s wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry eggs?”
The husband calmly replied, “Sure you do. I just wanted to show you how it feels when I’m driving.”
5 The Supermarket Strategy
Shopping in a busy supermarket can be stressful, especially if you lose track of your spouse. This joke shows how resourceful one husband can be when looking for his wife, with a touch of humor.
In a supermarket, Ivan lost sight of his wife. He approached a young lady and asked, “Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?” asked the lady, confused by Ivan’s request.
“It’s always the same. As soon as I start talking to a pretty woman, my wife pops up out of nowhere.”
The Flu Revelation
Being stuck at home with the flu is never fun, but this joke shows how a man’s sickness revealed his wife’s true feelings in a surprising and funny way. Sometimes love can be found in unexpected situations.
A man visited a friend who had been sick with the flu for weeks.
“How was it?” the man asked.
“Surprisingly wonderful,” the friend replied.
“How so?” the man asked.
“Well, I found out how much my wife loves me and how happy she is to have me home.”
“How do you know?”
“Every time the postman, the milkman, or the trash collector comes by, she runs out shouting, ‘My husband is home! My husband is home!’”
The Late-Night Approach
Sometimes sneaking in late after a night out doesn’t go as planned. In this joke, two husbands compare how they deal with their wives when they come home late, revealing that a more direct approach can be the best way.
Two married friends were out drinking when one said, “I don’t know what to do. When I come home after drinking, I turn off the headlights before I get to the driveway. I coast into the garage, take off my shoes before entering the house, sneak upstairs, change in the bathroom, and slip into bed, and my wife still wakes up and yells at me for staying out too late!”
His friend replied, “You’re doing it wrong. I drive into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, flush the toilet loudly, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, and jump into bed saying, ‘Do you want to make love?’ And every time, she acts like she’s sound asleep!”
My 40 Year Old Son Hired a Lawyer to Sue Me to Get My House but Karma Stepped in Harshly
It wasn’t always like this. Brian used to be kind, but losing his father changed him. My husband had been ill for some time, and although we knew the end was near, it still shattered both of us when he passed. But instead of leaning on me, Brian withdrew, growing colder by the day. After he left with everything of his father’s, I accepted that he was gone from my life. The house, once filled with memories of my husband, became my refuge. I moved forward, learning to stand on my own.
I wasn’t prepared for Brian to come back into my life, especially not like this.
Yesterday, he showed up at my door. My heart skipped a beat when I saw him, hoping for a moment that he had returned to make amends. But my hope quickly faded when I saw the man standing beside him—a lawyer, with a briefcase and a cold, professional demeanor.
“This is my attorney,” Brian said flatly. “You need to leave this house by tomorrow, or we’re taking this to court.”
At first, I didn’t understand. Leave my house? The home I’d shared with his father, the place I had cared for all these years? I looked at the lawyer, hoping there was some mistake, but the truth was clear. My son was suing me for my own home.
“You’re suing me for the house?” I whispered in disbelief.
“That’s right,” he replied without hesitation. “It belongs to me now.”
The lawyer stood silent, but something about him tugged at my memory. As I glanced at him, he gave me the slightest wink—a gesture only I caught. My heart raced as I realized why he seemed so familiar.
“James?” I asked, my voice trembling.
He smiled softly, nodding. “It’s been a long time, Mary.”
It all came flooding back. James was my high school sweetheart, the boy I once loved before life took us in different directions. And here he was, standing in front of me, working as my son’s lawyer. But there was something in his eyes that told me he wasn’t on Brian’s side.
“I think we should have a private conversation,” James said, turning to Brian. “Just a few minutes to clarify some things.”
Brian shrugged, rolling his eyes as he headed back to his car. “Fine. Make it quick.”
As soon as Brian was out of earshot, James leaned in. “I can’t believe how he’s treating you,” he said, his voice filled with concern. “But don’t worry. We can stop him. He doesn’t know what he’s getting into.”
I shook my head, trying to make sense of it all. “He wants to take my home, James. How did it come to this?”
James sighed. “I know it’s hard. But trust me, he’s in way over his head. Let me handle this. We’ll give him a wake-up call tomorrow.”
The next morning, James returned to my house, this time with a bag of freshly ground coffee beans. “I thought we could start the day with a good cup of coffee,” he said with a grin. We sat in the kitchen, sharing stories and memories as we waited for the moment to confront Brian.
When the time came, James pulled out his phone and dialed Brian’s number. The arrogance in Brian’s voice was unmistakable. “What now?” he asked, sounding impatient.
“Brian, we need to talk,” James said calmly. “I want to explain exactly where you stand in this situation.”
Brian snorted. “I know where I stand.”
“No, you don’t,” James replied evenly. “You’re trying to sue your mother for her house, but you’re standing on shaky ground. What you did after your father’s death—taking his belongings without permission, selling them—that’s theft, Brian.”
There was a long pause. Brian was stunned. “Are you serious?”
“Yes,” James said firmly. “You sold things that didn’t belong to you. If you go through with this lawsuit, we’ll bring everything to light. You could face legal consequences far worse than just losing the case.”
I could almost hear Brian’s panic on the other end of the line. “What do you want me to do?” he asked, his voice quieter now.
“Drop the lawsuit,” James replied. “Walk away before this gets any worse. If you do, we’ll make sure nothing else happens. But if you push forward, you’ll regret it.”
Another long silence followed, and I held my breath, waiting for Brian’s response. Finally, he muttered, “Fine. I’ll drop it.”
As James hung up, I let out a sigh of relief. He smiled at me, his usual easygoing demeanor returning. “Sometimes, all it takes is the truth.”
I shook my head, laughing softly. “You’re something else, you know that?”
“I’ve heard that before,” he said with a wink, reaching for his coffee cup.
In the end, Brian was stopped not by anger or revenge, but by the truth. And maybe that’s how it was always supposed to be. Karma had done its work, and I realized that sometimes, all it takes is a little patience—and an old friend—to set things right.
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