Fearing for their children’s futures, parents search for universal parenting techniques that will put their kids on the route to a prosperous job and a happy life. But times are changing, and the old principles of success are no longer relevant. Sometimes, parents’ actions, intended to be helpful, can actually create challenges for their children’s future.
1. Not allowing their kid to fail
Perfectionist parent often strives for perfection themselves, leading them to expect increasing levels of perfection from their child as they grow older — from the child’s artwork never being good enough to their bed not being made perfectly or not studying hard enough. The child faces constant criticism and reprimands but is never allowed to learn from their mistakes. Children of perfectionist parents may grow up to be perfectionists themselves or develop low self-esteem and lack confidence. Both outcomes can negatively impact their future careers.
- Anna’s mother always compared her to Mary, saying, “Look how tidy Mary is compared to you, Anna!” Despite Anna’s efforts to emulate Mary, she never measured up, and her mother’s criticism only intensified. Anna’s mother never allowed her the chance to improve her habits and learn basic skills. Now at 25 years old, Anna still compares herself to others and always comes up short in her own eyes. Needless to say, this constant comparison has taken a toll on her self-esteem.
2. Paying a child for good grades
This topic remains a subject of debate, but consider this perspective: imagine yourself as a contractor continually paying more for a product or service, with the child as the supplier providing it in exchange for money or rewards. It doesn’t sound like a good idea, does it?
- Alexandra’s parents sought to motivate their daughter to excel in her studies by offering money as an incentive. Initially, Alexandra’s grades improved, suggesting the approach was effective. However, her parents later discovered that she had been fabricating stories about an imaginary illness and sharing them with her teachers. She even falsely claimed that her parents constantly criticized her for poor grades. The sympathetic teacher then raised Alexandra’s grades out of pity. Following this incident, Alexandra’s parents discontinued the practice of paying for grades and sought guidance from a child psychologist.
3. Preventing their child from expressing their feelings
Sometimes, adults dismiss a child’s feelings as wrong — insisting that bruises don’t hurt, feeling anger toward a child who hit them is shameful, or being sad even with a valid reason is incorrect. Parents often do this with good intentions, wanting to teach their children proper behavior. However, it’s crucial to recognize that a fundamental skill for modern individuals is the ability to acknowledge and manage their feelings, emotions, and needs.
- Kate, now 37, vividly remembers how her mother forced her to give away her beloved doll to another girl, admonishing her for being “greedy” and scolding her for getting upset over a “stupid toy.” Kate never got her doll back. Over the years, she has worked hard to assert herself, learning to say “no” to demanding people, including her boss and coworkers. Despite this, Kate often feels guilty whenever she refuses to comply with their requests.
4. Failing to support their child in front of strangers
Every child needs the assurance that their parents will stand up for them in any conflict, regardless of the situation, and won’t blindly trust the words of authority figures like teachers, principals, or neighbors. When parents allow their children to speak up for themselves when they are ready to take responsibility for their actions, it helps them develop healthy self-esteem and a sense of personal accountability.
- Maggy was raised by her grandmother, who often said, “But what will other people think?” Although her grandmother loved Maggy and wanted the best for her, she constantly emphasized the importance of public opinion. As a result, Maggy struggles to make her own decisions and even relies on her friends’ opinions when choosing something as simple as dessert.
5. Drawing inspiration and comparing to successful people
Each generation has its own set of heroes whom young people aspire to emulate. In recent decades, the tales of personal success from wealthy and influential individuals have become widespread. However, it’s not as simple as learning their life story and achieving happiness. If it were that easy, everyone who reads their books would have solved all their financial problems by now.
- Alex developed a passion for computers from a young age. Inspired by the story of Steve Jobs that his dad shared with him, Alex immersed himself in learning everything about Apple. When it came time to choose a university, Alex initially believed he didn’t need higher education because Steve Jobs succeeded without it. Eventually, Alex realized the importance of education for his path and pursued college to advance his career. Now, Alex jokes, “What worked for Steve Jobs is just a waste of time for an ordinary guy like me.”
6. Pressuring their child to decide on their future career
The notion that a person should stick to one career for their entire life is likely outdated and impractical. Many modern occupations didn’t exist a decade ago, while others have already become obsolete.
- Since childhood, Max had a passion for exploring computers and understanding various software programs. Despite his parents’ concerns, he pursued this interest and eventually discovered online courses in software testing. Now, he is thriving in this field, leveraging his potential and skills.
- Laura, at 37, worked as a sociologist for a major consulting firm but found it challenging to maintain her career after having her son. During maternity leave, she rediscovered her love for photography. Starting with unique photos of her child, Laura progressed to offering photoshoots for friends’ and acquaintances’ kids. Over time, she opened her photo studio. Laura now earns as much as her husband and successfully manages her professional life while caring for her family. This shift exemplifies the evolving nature of careers and the importance of embracing new opportunities.
7. Arguing about money
Since children may absorb long-lasting messages from these circumstances, it’s crucial to avoid arguing about money or other matters in front of them. Instead of one-on-one conflicts, which can cause youngsters to take sides and become distressed, talks should be led in a way that promotes involvement.
- Chris grew up witnessing his parents argue about money. When he went to college at 17 and moved away, he struggled with managing his finances and spending on unnecessary items. He now fears starting relationships, believing that money is the root cause of his sadness.
8. Prohibiting the child from using social networks
Social networks have become today’s equivalent of the yards and neighborhoods where we used to play as children. Kids can learn valuable skills through computer programs integrated with social media platforms. While parents should remind their kids about online safety rules, depriving children of this experience can be harsh.
- Aria’s mother was surprised to discover that her 10-year-old daughter had learned to create cool videos. Even more surprising was the realization that Aria had learned this skill from using TikTok. Now, creating short videos has become a family hobby for them.
9. Teaching the kid that they have the stuff at home
Many of us recall times when we asked our parents to buy us things, only to hear, “We already have that at home; we don’t need it.” Some parents repeatedly expose their children to such situations, unintentionally discouraging them from getting what they truly need. This pattern can significantly impact their financial habits as adults. On the other hand, constantly satisfying a child’s every need can also have negative effects.
- Jan’s mother often tells him they have things at home and they don’t buy them from the store. Jan has learned to overlook his needs, and with each subsequent request, he withdraws more, knowing not to ask. When Jan grows up and earns his income, money will go towards trivial things because that’s how he’s learned to live.
10. Preventing children from getting into conflicts
The ability to engage with others is perhaps one of the most crucial professional skills one can possess. It’s important not only to help children make friends but also to teach them how to engage in healthy arguments. People often hold differing opinions, and there are various ways to express emotions. The sooner children grasp this concept, the easier their interactions with others will be, including in professional settings.
- Michaela spent her life avoiding conflicts, preferring to agree with others rather than engage in disputes. She believed that someone always had to be the “smarter” one, but this approach proved more harmful than beneficial. One day, Michaela learned about active listening and decided to apply this approach in her professional life. She excelled at paying attention to others’ perspectives while also expressing her feelings when others attempted to take advantage of her. Initially, people found her communication style unconventional, but conflicts with coworkers became more constructive, leading to mutually beneficial resolutions.
11. Helping their child learn to save money
The world is always changing, and old ways of making or saving money might not work anymore. We can’t predict what skills will be valuable in the future economy. That’s why it’s important to teach kids to be flexible and ready for change, not just to save money.
- Emily’s grandfather saved money his whole life “just in case.” But when that “case” finally happened, a financial meltdown made all his investments lose value. Emily saw this while growing up, and now she’s worried the economy could collapse at any time. She believes the best investment is in her skills and knowledge.
12. Trying to build a strong character with the help of sports
While there’s a widespread belief that sports are beneficial for discipline and character development, excessive competitiveness in professional sports can be detrimental to a child’s physical and mental health. This competitiveness can be fueled by both fellow young athletes and coaches. Only a few individuals become champions, and coaches often prioritize these select few, neglecting the rest of the team. Coping with this unfair treatment at a young age can lead to low self-esteem and confusion about alternative life paths if a child must stop playing sports.
- Tom’s mother pursued rhythmic gymnastics as a child but had to abandon her Olympic dreams due to a leg injury. When Tom was three, his mother enrolled him in gymnastics classes, hoping he would excel. However, Tom struggled in this sport, leading him to lose interest in school, feel like a failure, and struggle to identify his strengths. Now, Tom is studying to become a child psychologist to help parents navigate the challenges of raising children without making the same mistakes.
Being protective of your children is natural, but it’s important to set boundaries. Respecting their privacy is crucial for a healthy parent-child relationship and their personal development. Violating their privacy can have serious negative effects, especially on their mental health.
My Best Friend Asked Me to Help with Her Engagement Party — When I Arrived, I Was Horrified by Her Betrayal
When Oakley’s best friend Sophie ropes her into planning an engagement party, she’s happy to help, until the event turns into a nightmarish betrayal. Confronted by her cheating ex in a public proposal orchestrated by Sophie, Oakley is forced to question loyalty, love, and her own worth.
Friendships are complicated things. Sophie and I weren’t the storybook best friends who did everything together. Instead, ours was built on a shaky foundation of high school rivalry, competing for grades, sports, and even attention at parties.
Two high school girls | Source: Midjourney
But somewhere along the way, we found common ground. By college, she was the one I trusted with everything, the one who always had my back.
Or so I assumed.
When Sophie called me a few weeks ago, her voice bubbled with excitement through the phone.
“Oakley! Ryan and I are throwing a little engagement party,” she said, pausing dramatically. “It’s a surprise announcement. No one else knows yet, not even Ryan. Well, not about the party, I mean. So, I need your help.”
A woman talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
“Of course, Sophie,” I said, genuinely happy for her. “Congratulations, bestie!”
Ryan was a sweet and lovely guy, and Sophie deserved someone who treated her well and always put her first.
“But it’s not a big thing,” she added quickly. “I want a cozy and intimate vibe, you know? Just our closest people. I’ll send out the invitations and whatnot when you’re ready with them. You’re so good at planning these events. Can you handle it?”
A woman talking on a phone | Source: Midjourney
I didn’t hesitate. I actually loved planning events.
“Absolutely,” I said. “Just tell me what you need and if there’s anything specific you want.”
Over the next few weeks, I noticed Sophie’s usual chatter had a strange edge to it. She was jumpy and dismissive whenever I pressed her for details.
“I don’t want to jinx it,” she’d say with a nervous laugh.
A party-planning notebook | Source: Midjourney
“Jinx what?” I asked. “Everything is already planned. I just need to get the cake order finalized and it will all be sorted. Nothing can be jinxed, Soph. It’s all going to be perfect.”
“You can’t be too careful…” she said wryly.
I figured it was just pre-party jitters. She’d always been a little dramatic, but I thought it was part of her charm. I didn’t question it.
By Friday night, I had spent hours arranging pink and gold balloons, fairy lights, and floral centerpieces. Sophie’s backyard looked like a scene from a romantic movie.
A backyard setup | Source: Midjourney
Sophie squealed in delight when she saw the setup.
“It’s exactly how I imagined it!” she gushed. “Thank you, Oak. You’ve made it perfect. Just perfect.”
When Saturday arrived, I loaded the last box of heart-shaped balloons into my car, excited to see Sophie’s big reveal to Ryan. He had been away for work since Thursday, and he was going to walk into the surprise engagement on his way home.
A smiling woman | Source: Midjourney
I could already picture it:
Ryan’s stunned face, the joy in Sophie’s eyes, and the warmth of celebrating her happiness, surrounded by all their closest people.
But when I stepped into the event hall, my excitement curdled into something cold and heavy.
Jason, my ex-boyfriend, stood in the center of the living room, which now had vases of flowers and some of the pink and gold balloons all over.
A man standing in a living room | Source: Midjourney
He wore a suit and held a small, velvet ring box. His grin spread wide, the same grin that had once charmed me and now made my stomach churn.
“Surprise!” Sophie chirped, rushing toward me with a wide smile. “Jason has been planning this for weeks! And we thought, who better to help with the decorations than you? Isn’t it romantic?”
I stared at her, the pieces slowly clicking into place.
This wasn’t Sophie and Ryan’s engagement party. This was Jason’s proposal to me.
A shocked woman | Source: Midjourney
Jason’s proposal.
Jason?!
And I had unknowingly helped decorate and cater for the entire event.
“What the hell is this?” I managed to whisper, my voice shaking as my knees almost buckled.
Jason stepped closer, the same confidence oozing from him that had once been magnetic.
A man in a suit | Source: Midjourney
“I know I messed up,” he began, as if acknowledging the understatement of the century. “But I’ve changed, Oakley. You’re the only one for me. And I want to spend the rest of my life proving it.”
My mind reeled.
Jason, who had cheated on me with a coworker, forced me into questioning my worth, and dumped me with a single text after weeks of silence, now thought this public spectacle would erase it all?
I turned to Sophie, desperate for an explanation.
An upset woman sitting on a couch | Source: Midjourney
“You knew what he did to me,” I said, my voice breaking. “You knew, Sophie.”
She shrugged, smiling as if she hadn’t just betrayed me.
“Everyone makes mistakes. Besides, he’s serious now. He’s ready to commit, Oak. Isn’t that what you’ve always wanted? Isn’t that what matters?”
The air seemed to leave my lungs altogether.
A woman with her hands on her hips | Source: Midjourney
Sophie had always been impulsive, but this was something else entirely.
“You thought this was okay?” I asked.
“It’s a grand gesture, Oakley!” she said brightly. “I think you’ll thank me one day.”
I had barely noticed my parents standing in the corner of the room until my mom stepped forward. Her voice was soft, pleading.
An older woman standing in a living room | Source: Midjourney
“Jason explained everything, Oak. He made a mistake, sure, but he’s trying to make it right. Don’t be so stubborn, sweetheart. You’re not getting any younger, and how often does a man who wants to propose come along?”
I felt the walls close in.
My humiliation, my anger… it was all secondary to the suffocating realization that the people I trusted the most in this world were siding with him.
An upset woman holding her head | Source: Midjourney
With him.
Just as I turned to leave, Noah walked in carrying the cake box I’d asked him to bring in. I wasn’t going to trust myself to carry it with my heels on.
I had forgotten about Noah. But seeing him made me feel better. He had always been a calming presence for me.
He paused, his eyes scanning the room, his brows knitting in confusion. Then, his gaze landed on me, tear-streaked and trembling.
A man holding a cake box | Source: Midjourney
“What’s going on?” he asked, his voice steady but firm.
Jason puffed up his chest like a rooster.
“I’m proposing to Oakley, Noah. You don’t have an issue with that, do you?”
Noah’s eyes darted to me, and then back to Jason.
A man standing with his hands in his pockets | Source: Midjourney
“Do you want this?” he asked, his voice softer now.
I shook my head, unable to speak through the lump in my throat.
“Then let’s go,” Noah said without hesitation.
He grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the door. The cool night air hit my face like a lifeline as we stepped outside.
A woman standing outside | Source: Midjourney
We drove in silence for a while, my thoughts a tangled mess of rage and betrayal. Finally, I told Noah everything. I expected him to offer advice or a quick solution, but he didn’t. Instead, he just listened.
Noah had been around for years, and while I told him about most things in our friendship, I wasn’t always open about talking about Jason.
Over the following months, our relationship became more intimate. Noah became a rock of sorts. He never pushed, never pried; he simply was. And when the time was right, our friendship deepened into something more.
A man driving a car | Source: Midjourney
It started out as a dinner from a drive-thru and turned into a romantic picnic in a parking lot. Noah reminded me that love wasn’t supposed to hurt or feel like an uphill battle.
As for Sophie?
It had been months since that night, months of cutting Sophie out of my life, deleting her texts without reading them, and dodging her calls. I thought I’d moved on, that I’d buried the hurt.
Then, one chilly afternoon in early spring, she showed up at the café where I was meeting Noah.
The interior of a coffee shop | Source: Midjourney
The bell above the door jingled as she stepped inside, her bright smile faltering slightly when she saw me.
I froze, mid-sip of my latte.
Sophie approached with hesitant steps, her voice too bright.
“Oakley! I was hoping I’d run into you!”
I didn’t return her smile.
A woman in a coffee shop | Source: Midjourney
“What do you want, Sophie?”
Her expression flickered. Disappointment? Irritation? But she quickly covered it with the kind of grin that used to fool me.
“I just want to talk. Can we, um, can I sit?”
I nodded.
“I’ve missed you,” she began, her voice soft as she slid into the chair. “I know you’re mad, but I hate how things ended. I just want to explain.”
A woman sitting in a coffee shop | Source: Midjourney
“Explain what, Sophie? That you thought it was a good idea to ambush me with the guy who destroyed me? That you cared so little about my feelings you turned my pain into some romantic gesture for Jason?”
She flinched but held her ground.
“It wasn’t like that,” she said quickly. “I was trying to help you. You and Jason… there was so much love there, Oakley. I just thought if he could show you he was serious, you’d see it too.”
“Serious? He broke me, and you knew that.”
A woman holding her head | Source: Midjourney
“People change!” she exclaimed. “He told me he regretted it, that he wanted to make things right. Isn’t that what everyone wants? To be forgiven?”
I shook my head.
“I thought you’d be happy! You used to love him, Oakley! How was I supposed to know you’d react like that?”
My jaw dropped.
An upset woman sitting in a coffee shop | Source: Midjourney
“React like that? You mean like a normal person who doesn’t want to be blindsided by their abusive ex in front of their family and friends?”
“You’re blowing this out of proportion, Oakley. Like you always do. I wanted you to be happy like me.”
I stared at her, the full weight of her words hitting me.
“No, you were trying to force me into the life you thought I should want. You’ve never cared about what I actually feel, Sophie. It’s always been about you.”
An upset woman in a coffee shop | Source: Midjourney
“That’s not true,” she said.
“It is. Now, please leave,” I said.
Just then, the bells above the door jingled again, and Noah walked in, beaming.
Bells hanging in a coffee shop | Source: Midjourney
“That’s my cue to leave,” Sophie huffed.
“I assume that wasn’t an apology, was it?” Noah asked.
“No,” I said with a small, bitter laugh. “But that’s okay. I don’t need her apology anymore.”
A woman walking away | Source: Midjourney
If you enjoyed this story, here’s another one for you:
When Lily and Jason’s son, Nathan, brings his fiancée home for the long weekend, Lily is excited to get to know the young woman. But during that weekend, she notices her husband acting strange. So, she tries to uncover what is going on with Jason — only to open a can of worms with secrets wriggling everywhere.
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
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