Fearing for their children’s futures, parents search for universal parenting techniques that will put their kids on the route to a prosperous job and a happy life. But times are changing, and the old principles of success are no longer relevant. Sometimes, parents’ actions, intended to be helpful, can actually create challenges for their children’s future.
1. Not allowing their kid to fail
Perfectionist parent often strives for perfection themselves, leading them to expect increasing levels of perfection from their child as they grow older — from the child’s artwork never being good enough to their bed not being made perfectly or not studying hard enough. The child faces constant criticism and reprimands but is never allowed to learn from their mistakes. Children of perfectionist parents may grow up to be perfectionists themselves or develop low self-esteem and lack confidence. Both outcomes can negatively impact their future careers.
- Anna’s mother always compared her to Mary, saying, “Look how tidy Mary is compared to you, Anna!” Despite Anna’s efforts to emulate Mary, she never measured up, and her mother’s criticism only intensified. Anna’s mother never allowed her the chance to improve her habits and learn basic skills. Now at 25 years old, Anna still compares herself to others and always comes up short in her own eyes. Needless to say, this constant comparison has taken a toll on her self-esteem.
2. Paying a child for good grades
This topic remains a subject of debate, but consider this perspective: imagine yourself as a contractor continually paying more for a product or service, with the child as the supplier providing it in exchange for money or rewards. It doesn’t sound like a good idea, does it?
- Alexandra’s parents sought to motivate their daughter to excel in her studies by offering money as an incentive. Initially, Alexandra’s grades improved, suggesting the approach was effective. However, her parents later discovered that she had been fabricating stories about an imaginary illness and sharing them with her teachers. She even falsely claimed that her parents constantly criticized her for poor grades. The sympathetic teacher then raised Alexandra’s grades out of pity. Following this incident, Alexandra’s parents discontinued the practice of paying for grades and sought guidance from a child psychologist.
3. Preventing their child from expressing their feelings
Sometimes, adults dismiss a child’s feelings as wrong — insisting that bruises don’t hurt, feeling anger toward a child who hit them is shameful, or being sad even with a valid reason is incorrect. Parents often do this with good intentions, wanting to teach their children proper behavior. However, it’s crucial to recognize that a fundamental skill for modern individuals is the ability to acknowledge and manage their feelings, emotions, and needs.
- Kate, now 37, vividly remembers how her mother forced her to give away her beloved doll to another girl, admonishing her for being “greedy” and scolding her for getting upset over a “stupid toy.” Kate never got her doll back. Over the years, she has worked hard to assert herself, learning to say “no” to demanding people, including her boss and coworkers. Despite this, Kate often feels guilty whenever she refuses to comply with their requests.
4. Failing to support their child in front of strangers
Every child needs the assurance that their parents will stand up for them in any conflict, regardless of the situation, and won’t blindly trust the words of authority figures like teachers, principals, or neighbors. When parents allow their children to speak up for themselves when they are ready to take responsibility for their actions, it helps them develop healthy self-esteem and a sense of personal accountability.
- Maggy was raised by her grandmother, who often said, “But what will other people think?” Although her grandmother loved Maggy and wanted the best for her, she constantly emphasized the importance of public opinion. As a result, Maggy struggles to make her own decisions and even relies on her friends’ opinions when choosing something as simple as dessert.
5. Drawing inspiration and comparing to successful people
Each generation has its own set of heroes whom young people aspire to emulate. In recent decades, the tales of personal success from wealthy and influential individuals have become widespread. However, it’s not as simple as learning their life story and achieving happiness. If it were that easy, everyone who reads their books would have solved all their financial problems by now.
- Alex developed a passion for computers from a young age. Inspired by the story of Steve Jobs that his dad shared with him, Alex immersed himself in learning everything about Apple. When it came time to choose a university, Alex initially believed he didn’t need higher education because Steve Jobs succeeded without it. Eventually, Alex realized the importance of education for his path and pursued college to advance his career. Now, Alex jokes, “What worked for Steve Jobs is just a waste of time for an ordinary guy like me.”
6. Pressuring their child to decide on their future career
The notion that a person should stick to one career for their entire life is likely outdated and impractical. Many modern occupations didn’t exist a decade ago, while others have already become obsolete.
- Since childhood, Max had a passion for exploring computers and understanding various software programs. Despite his parents’ concerns, he pursued this interest and eventually discovered online courses in software testing. Now, he is thriving in this field, leveraging his potential and skills.
- Laura, at 37, worked as a sociologist for a major consulting firm but found it challenging to maintain her career after having her son. During maternity leave, she rediscovered her love for photography. Starting with unique photos of her child, Laura progressed to offering photoshoots for friends’ and acquaintances’ kids. Over time, she opened her photo studio. Laura now earns as much as her husband and successfully manages her professional life while caring for her family. This shift exemplifies the evolving nature of careers and the importance of embracing new opportunities.
7. Arguing about money
Since children may absorb long-lasting messages from these circumstances, it’s crucial to avoid arguing about money or other matters in front of them. Instead of one-on-one conflicts, which can cause youngsters to take sides and become distressed, talks should be led in a way that promotes involvement.
- Chris grew up witnessing his parents argue about money. When he went to college at 17 and moved away, he struggled with managing his finances and spending on unnecessary items. He now fears starting relationships, believing that money is the root cause of his sadness.
8. Prohibiting the child from using social networks
Social networks have become today’s equivalent of the yards and neighborhoods where we used to play as children. Kids can learn valuable skills through computer programs integrated with social media platforms. While parents should remind their kids about online safety rules, depriving children of this experience can be harsh.
- Aria’s mother was surprised to discover that her 10-year-old daughter had learned to create cool videos. Even more surprising was the realization that Aria had learned this skill from using TikTok. Now, creating short videos has become a family hobby for them.
9. Teaching the kid that they have the stuff at home
Many of us recall times when we asked our parents to buy us things, only to hear, “We already have that at home; we don’t need it.” Some parents repeatedly expose their children to such situations, unintentionally discouraging them from getting what they truly need. This pattern can significantly impact their financial habits as adults. On the other hand, constantly satisfying a child’s every need can also have negative effects.
- Jan’s mother often tells him they have things at home and they don’t buy them from the store. Jan has learned to overlook his needs, and with each subsequent request, he withdraws more, knowing not to ask. When Jan grows up and earns his income, money will go towards trivial things because that’s how he’s learned to live.
10. Preventing children from getting into conflicts
The ability to engage with others is perhaps one of the most crucial professional skills one can possess. It’s important not only to help children make friends but also to teach them how to engage in healthy arguments. People often hold differing opinions, and there are various ways to express emotions. The sooner children grasp this concept, the easier their interactions with others will be, including in professional settings.
- Michaela spent her life avoiding conflicts, preferring to agree with others rather than engage in disputes. She believed that someone always had to be the “smarter” one, but this approach proved more harmful than beneficial. One day, Michaela learned about active listening and decided to apply this approach in her professional life. She excelled at paying attention to others’ perspectives while also expressing her feelings when others attempted to take advantage of her. Initially, people found her communication style unconventional, but conflicts with coworkers became more constructive, leading to mutually beneficial resolutions.
11. Helping their child learn to save money
The world is always changing, and old ways of making or saving money might not work anymore. We can’t predict what skills will be valuable in the future economy. That’s why it’s important to teach kids to be flexible and ready for change, not just to save money.
- Emily’s grandfather saved money his whole life “just in case.” But when that “case” finally happened, a financial meltdown made all his investments lose value. Emily saw this while growing up, and now she’s worried the economy could collapse at any time. She believes the best investment is in her skills and knowledge.
12. Trying to build a strong character with the help of sports
While there’s a widespread belief that sports are beneficial for discipline and character development, excessive competitiveness in professional sports can be detrimental to a child’s physical and mental health. This competitiveness can be fueled by both fellow young athletes and coaches. Only a few individuals become champions, and coaches often prioritize these select few, neglecting the rest of the team. Coping with this unfair treatment at a young age can lead to low self-esteem and confusion about alternative life paths if a child must stop playing sports.
- Tom’s mother pursued rhythmic gymnastics as a child but had to abandon her Olympic dreams due to a leg injury. When Tom was three, his mother enrolled him in gymnastics classes, hoping he would excel. However, Tom struggled in this sport, leading him to lose interest in school, feel like a failure, and struggle to identify his strengths. Now, Tom is studying to become a child psychologist to help parents navigate the challenges of raising children without making the same mistakes.
Being protective of your children is natural, but it’s important to set boundaries. Respecting their privacy is crucial for a healthy parent-child relationship and their personal development. Violating their privacy can have serious negative effects, especially on their mental health.
Old Man Goes to Visit Daughter for His 80th Birthday, She Doesn’t Let Him Enter Her House – Story of the Day
Richard visits his daughter to celebrate his eightieth birthday with her, but she answers the door in tears and sends him away. Richard suspects trouble and realizes he’s right after peeking through her front windows.Richard tapped his fingers nervously against the steering wheel as he drove. Deidre used to drive down every Thanksgiving, but that stopped after his wife’s funeral four years ago. Now, there were only weekly calls. Richard spread his arms wide as Deidre appeared in the doorway. “Surprise!” he yelled. “Dad? What are you doing here?” she asked, tears rolling down her cheeks.
“I came to celebrate my birthday with you…it’s the big eight-o!” Richard replied, but the joy in his voice trailed off quickly. “What’s wrong, honey? Why are you crying?””It’s nothing; everything’s fine,” Deidre quickly wiped her tears and smiled a little. “I just…I wasn’t expecting you, and this isn’t really a good time. Sorry, Dad, but I, uh, need to focus. On my work. Look, I’ll call you. We’ll have dinner later, okay? Sorry.”Deidre shut the door, leaving Richard hurt and confused. Something was terribly wrong. Was Deidre in trouble? Richard stepped back from the front door but didn’t leave. He stepped over the short, flowering shrubs lining the path and snuck up to peek through the windows. Two rough-looking men were in the sitting room with Deidre. “Who was that?” One of them asked in a rough voice. “Nobody,” Deidre lied in a shaky voice. “Just a neighbor’s kid…pulling a doorbell prank and running away.” “Back to business then,” the second man said. “You’re now six months behind on your loan repayments, Deidre. Mr. Marco’s getting impatient.””I just need more time. Business is sure to pick up again in the winter,” she pleaded. “Time is one thing you haven’t got, sweetie,” the man replied, pulling out his gun. “People who owe Mr. Marco money don’t have a great life expectancy and end up feeding the fishes in the lake…” He pointed the weapon at her. Terror froze Richard in place. But soon, the man stepped back with a look of disgust and tucked the gun away in the waistband of his trousers. “Look around this dump and see if there’s anything valuable we can take to Mr. Marco, Danny,” he ordered. “She’s a businesswoman, so there must be a computer or some kind of equipment around here.” ”But I need those things!” she cried. “I can’t make money without my equipment!” The man patted the butt of his gun. ”Boo-Hoo. I can still change my mind, you know. Don’t be ungrateful, now.”The men ransacked her home before they stormed out, leaving Deidre curled up sobbing on the floor. Nothing made sense to Richard because Deidre’s business was doing well. At least that’s what she had told him. But now, Richard could sense something was amiss. Deidre needed his help. The men loaded several appliances from Deidre’s home in their vehicle. When they finally drove away, Richard followed them. The men stopped at a two-storeyed brick building downtown that looked like a bar. While it was closed, the door was unlocked. No one on the staff stopped Richard as he entered the building. The men had joined a large table where several other rough-looking men were seated. One of them stood and swaggered toward him. “The club’s closed,” he growled. “Come back later.” “I’m here to discuss Deidre’s debt,” Richard announced.”Oh?” The man seated at the head of the table rose and stared at Richard. He looked like a gentleman except for a nasty scar above his left eye. Richard guessed he was Mr. Marco. ”How much does she owe you?” Richard asked. Mr. Marco smirked. “A good samaritan, huh? Deidre took out a business loan of $80,000 from me. She was supposed to pay me back from her monthly profits, only she never made any.” ”I have around $20,000 in my savings,” Richard gulped fearfully, shaken Deidre had borrowed such a big sum. ”That’s only a quarter of what she owes us.” Mr. Marco sighed. “But there’s something you can do to make up the difference.” Richard didn’t like the sound of that, but he had to do whatever it took to save his daughter from the mess she’d gotten herself into. ”What do you want me to do?” he asked.Mr. Marco grinned at Richard and beckoned him closer to the table. ”My partner and I recently started a small business importing cars to Canada, but some of the paperwork has been delayed, so we’re having difficulties getting the…’merchandise’…across the border. A kind, innocent-looking Grandpa like you should have no trouble crossing the border in one of our cars.” Richard had no choice but to agree. Later that night, he pulled into a gas station near the border town to use the bathroom and parked beside a patrol. “Jesus!” he gasped as the German Shepherd in the back of the police cruiser began barking at him and pawing at the window. Service dogs were trained not to bark at random people unless…Oh, man. He quickly climbed back in the car, a Valiant, and started reversing as the police dog went crazy. Two cops hurried out of the gas station store and yelled at him to stop as they glanced at him. The GPS app voiced directions, but Richard shoved it in his pocket to silence the darn thing. He pushed the Valiant to its limits as he wove through traffic, leaving a trail of outraged drivers and narrowly avoided collisions in his wake. The sirens blared behind him.Richard soon spotted a narrow, unmarked dirt road veering into the forest ahead. He sharply turned, leaving the road behind him as he raced into the forest. The muddy trails were awful to navigate, but Richard pushed on. He turned down a narrow track leading downhill. Then, he turned up a slight rise and instantly regretted it. The car was now stuck in a precarious position, balanced on a narrow rise above a wide river. Richard tried to reverse back the way he came, but the tires spun without getting traction. In fact, the car was sliding closer to the water. “No!” Richard desperately pulled up the parking brake, but it didn’t work.The car’s nose hit the river with a loud splash, sending a wave of dark water flooding over the bonnet. Richard shoved the car door open, desperate to escape the sinking vehicle. The pressure from the water started to push the car door shut against Richard’s legs. Richard splashed around in panic as the river filled the interior.As the water level crept up his face, he tipped his head back, took one last breath, and pulled himself underwater. Richard squeezed himself out of the opening and pushed himself up toward the surface. He took in a lungful of air and swam toward the river bank. Reaching land made Richard realize how close he was to death. He was thankfully breathing. But he still needed to do something about the $80,000. So Richard hitchhiked home.”I need to mortgage my house,” he told the bank assistant. ”And I need the cash in my bank account fast.” Richard waited impatiently as the bank employee processed the paperwork. He jumped in fright when Deidre called him. “Some thugs from a local gang were just here asking about you, Dad…what is happening?” “Tell them I’ll be there soon. I arranged to pay off your debt for you. I don’t understand why you didn’t come to me first, Deidre, but this isn’t the time to discuss that.”Richard ended the call and signed the paperwork. He didn’t want to give up the home where he had created memories with his family, but it was the only way to help Deidre.A few hours later, he pulled into the club’s parking lot in a rented car and headed toward the entrance. ”Dad, wait!” Richard looked back as Deidre ran toward him. ”I won’t let you face those thugs alone,” she said. ”I still don’t understand how you found out about this mess or how you got the money to repay them, but the least I can do is stand by you while you save me.” Richard studied the determined look in Deidre’s eyes and knew he couldn’t convince her to leave. As they entered the club, the thugs herded him and Deidre toward the table. Richard placed his duffel bag, which contained the cash he’d withdrawn after the mortgage went through, and put it on the table. ”Here’s the $80,000 Deidre owed you plus another $15,000 to cover the cost of your car. I, uh, got into some trouble, and the car ended up in a river.”Mr. Marco’s mouth twisted angrily, and he thumped his fist against the table. “You have the audacity to offer me a measly $15,000? After you come in here and tell me you sank the $100,000 shipment hidden in that car?
That doesn’t even BEGIN to cover what you now owe me.” The gangster grabbed the duffel bag and threw it to one of his thugs. ”You know, Deidre, I really believed in you, but sometimes, in business, you’ve got to know when to cut your losses.” He removed a gun from his suit jacket and pointed it straight at Deidre’s forehead. Richard pulled Deidre behind him. “No, please! This is all my fault! Don’t punish her!” ”Well, you made a good point.” The gangster shrugged, and the next moment, Richard was staring down the gun barrel.But suddenly, they heard police sirens outside. Mr. Marco turned and ran toward the back of the club as loud gunfire boomed and shook the place. Father and daughter crawled under the table. There was chaos in the club, and as Richard looked into his daughter’s fear-filled eyes, he knew he had to get her to safety, no matter what. Richard and Deidre pulled one of the tables over and barricaded themselves in a corner. They hid there until the police escorted them to safety. Thankfully, Mr. Marco was apprehended. ”Are you certain you don’t have any heart-related health issues?” Richard shook his head at the paramedic while in the ambulance. Richard swallowed hard when the police detective approached the ambulance.”Sir, what were you and your daughter doing in this club today?” the detective asked sternly. Richard explained about Deidre’s loan and how they’d come to the club that day to repay it. He hoped he might get away with not mentioning the car he sank in the river. The detective glanced at Deidre. “If we hadn’t found a car full of contraband in the river, we wouldn’t have been here to rescue you. You shouldn’t be taking loans from such disreputable people, miss.” “A car in the river?” Richard asked nervously. “It was registered to Mr. Marco’s cousin, which was exactly the lede we needed to take this gang down,” replied the officer.Richard sighed in relief. He was in the clear. The cops let him and Deidre go once they provided their statements. ”I owe you a huge apology, Dad. I dragged you into this whole mess,” Deidre apologized as they walked to the front, where Richard’s car was parked. Tears filled her eyes. “I didn’t know how to tell you. How does anyone tell their father that they’re a huge failure?” “You are not a failure!” Richard put his hands on Deidre’s shoulders. ”Maybe your business idea didn’t work out as well as you’d hoped, but you tried, Deidre. I wish you’d felt comfortable enough to tell me what was really going on in your life. Heck, I just wish you felt you could be as close with me as you were with your mother,” he continued. ”I don’t think you’ve been ‘fine’ for quite a while now.” Deidre burst into tears, and Richard put an arm around her. “It’s okay, honey,” he whispered soothingly. “Everything’s going to be okay.”Tell us what you think about this story, and share it with your friends. It might brighten their day and inspire them.
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